fever dreams last night.
**
an ex-girlfriend of mine (M.) came to visit me and A., though we were living with my parents. M. had car troubles upon arrival, and called us several times because the car we had waiting for her would not start. we kept waiting and waiting and waiting for her to arrive.
when she did, she was driving a mid-90s pontiac bonneville, except that it was mounted on a monster truck frame, complete with wheels five feet tall, and its trunk had been modded into a dump truck bed.
from there, the dream morphed into george lucas' new remake of the first "star wars" movie -- and by "first" i mean episode iv ... it was family friendly, and did not include obi-wan kenobe, because, i guess, alec guinness is dead. i was starring in it. the highlight was that instead of miti-chlorians being the big jedi secret, it was the ability to dissolve into these odd color-film-negative things.
once we dissolved into the negatives (which were cherry red), we were able to escape from the stormtroopers, who in my version were cannibals who ate my entire family at my grandma's house.
the ending involved tricycles, a love ballad and many parents and children. but it was "star wars," and i remember thinking "man, lucas has fucked it up again."
i blame the glass of McEwan's i had before bed last night.
1.30.2005
1.29.2005
i just lost a whole post! lost it because of my own stupidity.
fuckity fuck fucking fuck.
it was funny. it was about my friend S., and how his IM away message always tells us what he's doing, thinking, feeling, etc. and how i was going to write a book in which a sandra-bullock-esqe character and i race across town to get to a working macintosh with adium so that we could check S.'s AIM away message, which would say something like "they're right behind you!" and we could turn around just in time to kill the commienazi terrorists, working in consort with prince what's-his-name from england, with our super-secret gay-sex bomb.
trust me, it was funnier before i fucking lost all motor skills and deleted the post.
and the picture is just a comment on how impossibly huge the GUI elements are in movies involving computers. see? it's a huge fucking dialog box with a simple message and one fucking button. i design better apps in my stool! (/triumph)
**
last night we celebrated A.'s good friend's birthday with a wonderful dinner at a downtown sushi establishment, and then an evening of watching drunken out-of-towners at a "dueling pianos" bar. that was something, let me tell you. two guys, pianos tip-to-tip on the stage, a wall of mirrors behind them tilted so that we can see their prowess on the keyboard, and about 200 yahoos from across the state, all in town to whoop it up after our home NBA team apparently beat some other NBA team.
that is most decidedly not my scene, though i was a good trooper to A. because, well, she'd threatened me with sleeping in the garage if i didn't go along with her. it was a non-smoking place, which is the only saving grace as far as i was concerned. oh, and the hot, young, couldn't-be-21 young women dancing in front of us. they were part of a large group of yahoos, including someone who will be the subject of the next hillary swank is-he-a-she-and-is-she-gay movie. A. and i were trying to pinpoint his/her sex all night.
at some points, "Pat" was dancing with the hot young'uns. at others, s/he was dancing with men. s/he had two earrings in, a very skinny body, and nothing whatsoever physically that would give us a clue. it was frustrating. i like my ogling-subjects to have a discernable gender, thank you very much.
fuckity fuck fucking fuck.
it was funny. it was about my friend S., and how his IM away message always tells us what he's doing, thinking, feeling, etc. and how i was going to write a book in which a sandra-bullock-esqe character and i race across town to get to a working macintosh with adium so that we could check S.'s AIM away message, which would say something like "they're right behind you!" and we could turn around just in time to kill the commienazi terrorists, working in consort with prince what's-his-name from england, with our super-secret gay-sex bomb.
trust me, it was funnier before i fucking lost all motor skills and deleted the post.
and the picture is just a comment on how impossibly huge the GUI elements are in movies involving computers. see? it's a huge fucking dialog box with a simple message and one fucking button. i design better apps in my stool! (/triumph)
**
last night we celebrated A.'s good friend's birthday with a wonderful dinner at a downtown sushi establishment, and then an evening of watching drunken out-of-towners at a "dueling pianos" bar. that was something, let me tell you. two guys, pianos tip-to-tip on the stage, a wall of mirrors behind them tilted so that we can see their prowess on the keyboard, and about 200 yahoos from across the state, all in town to whoop it up after our home NBA team apparently beat some other NBA team.
that is most decidedly not my scene, though i was a good trooper to A. because, well, she'd threatened me with sleeping in the garage if i didn't go along with her. it was a non-smoking place, which is the only saving grace as far as i was concerned. oh, and the hot, young, couldn't-be-21 young women dancing in front of us. they were part of a large group of yahoos, including someone who will be the subject of the next hillary swank is-he-a-she-and-is-she-gay movie. A. and i were trying to pinpoint his/her sex all night.
at some points, "Pat" was dancing with the hot young'uns. at others, s/he was dancing with men. s/he had two earrings in, a very skinny body, and nothing whatsoever physically that would give us a clue. it was frustrating. i like my ogling-subjects to have a discernable gender, thank you very much.
1.27.2005
some questions
on news shows, when they're talking about smoking, why do they refuse to show the face of the person smoking? they'll show tons of footage of people puffing, but you see their mouths and hands -- never their face. why?
**
and ... what right does government have to ban smoking?
**
is it always wrong to use nazi analogies when discussing non-nazi subjects? such as: if a company has a department-wide meeting and starts it off by showing that company's commercials, to fire up the workers ... is it fair to analogize that to the nuremburg rallies?
if i pointed out that a company (like a state) relies on the common worker for its power and legitimacy ... if i pointed out that a company (like a state) often imposes rules on the common workers that might not make sense, or even seem onerous, to those workers ... and if i pointed out that a company (like a state) often relies on pushing inspiring imagery on its workers to remind them of the alleged benefits of working for that company ...
well, if i pointed all this out, and said "well, that's what the nazis did at nuremburg," would it be out of the bounds of decency?
**
i think my all-time favorite dashboard has to be the vw new beetle, especially because it uses a bastardized form of Futura and Futura Condensed for the dials.
that's me -- noticing fonts everywhere. it's a wonder i'm not still a virgin.
**
and ... what right does government have to ban smoking?
**
is it always wrong to use nazi analogies when discussing non-nazi subjects? such as: if a company has a department-wide meeting and starts it off by showing that company's commercials, to fire up the workers ... is it fair to analogize that to the nuremburg rallies?
if i pointed out that a company (like a state) relies on the common worker for its power and legitimacy ... if i pointed out that a company (like a state) often imposes rules on the common workers that might not make sense, or even seem onerous, to those workers ... and if i pointed out that a company (like a state) often relies on pushing inspiring imagery on its workers to remind them of the alleged benefits of working for that company ...
well, if i pointed all this out, and said "well, that's what the nazis did at nuremburg," would it be out of the bounds of decency?
**
i think my all-time favorite dashboard has to be the vw new beetle, especially because it uses a bastardized form of Futura and Futura Condensed for the dials.
that's me -- noticing fonts everywhere. it's a wonder i'm not still a virgin.
1.26.2005
SuitWorld
about six months ago, the little team i work on was changed -- radically.
we'd been our own little island of sanity amidst a sea of corporate craziness. we had our own rules, which worked well for what we were doing. the clients were happy. we were happy making the clients happy. it was a bit of organized chaos, but the jobs got done on time, under whatever budget they were given, and everyone was happy. we had a wide degree of latitude on how we got things done, and we had a happy, smiling manager overseeing us, pushing us on, prodding and challenging us to do better.
then, the Suits took over.
in SuitWorld, everyone plays by the same rules, regardless of whether those rules make sense. an example: everyone in SuitWorld who wanted a laptop as their main computer was given just that -- a laptop. no keyboard. no external monitor. no mouse. just a laptop.
why? who the fuck knows. in SuitWorld, that's just the way it is.
in SuitWorld, everyone writes lots of paperwork about what they're going to do. then, maybe, if the paperwork is written correctly, they're allowed to do it. but they have to fill out more paperwork about what they're doing. so, in the end, the workload is tripled, but the technology work stays constant (or even decreases a bit, because the paper shuffling is overwhelming at times).
why? who the fuck knows. in SuitWorld, that's just the way it is.
**
so the Suits took over and rapidly began incorporating us into SuitWorld. the job i signed up for has changed almost 180 degrees. now i spend most of my day in paperwork, doing "process" work, getting further and further from the technology that inspired me to take the job in the first place. the contact with clients is decreasing, and when i do interact with them, it's always with an asterisk hanging over the conversation -- gone is the freewheeling sense of "we're in this together," replaced with "uh-huh. yeah. listen ..."
anyway. i am done complaining. the original point of this post was to say that we were given two managers in a relatively short succession. first was The Hammer. she was brought in to break our spirits. she laid down a few very uncomfortable rules that broke longstanding practice for our team. i think it's safe to say The Hammer was ... well, The Hammer.
she was followed by GoodCop/BadCop, who seemed like mary freaking poppins in comparison. but i'm not sure who she is from day to day -- hence the name. at times she's smirking, funny and deprecating. at other times she's rigidly enforcing the rules in a no-nonsense manner.
(edit: and always always ALWAYS speaking in management bullshit-bingo jibberish.)
i don't know who i'm dealing with. in SuitWorld, i guess, that's SOP.
we'd been our own little island of sanity amidst a sea of corporate craziness. we had our own rules, which worked well for what we were doing. the clients were happy. we were happy making the clients happy. it was a bit of organized chaos, but the jobs got done on time, under whatever budget they were given, and everyone was happy. we had a wide degree of latitude on how we got things done, and we had a happy, smiling manager overseeing us, pushing us on, prodding and challenging us to do better.
then, the Suits took over.
in SuitWorld, everyone plays by the same rules, regardless of whether those rules make sense. an example: everyone in SuitWorld who wanted a laptop as their main computer was given just that -- a laptop. no keyboard. no external monitor. no mouse. just a laptop.
why? who the fuck knows. in SuitWorld, that's just the way it is.
in SuitWorld, everyone writes lots of paperwork about what they're going to do. then, maybe, if the paperwork is written correctly, they're allowed to do it. but they have to fill out more paperwork about what they're doing. so, in the end, the workload is tripled, but the technology work stays constant (or even decreases a bit, because the paper shuffling is overwhelming at times).
why? who the fuck knows. in SuitWorld, that's just the way it is.
**
so the Suits took over and rapidly began incorporating us into SuitWorld. the job i signed up for has changed almost 180 degrees. now i spend most of my day in paperwork, doing "process" work, getting further and further from the technology that inspired me to take the job in the first place. the contact with clients is decreasing, and when i do interact with them, it's always with an asterisk hanging over the conversation -- gone is the freewheeling sense of "we're in this together," replaced with "uh-huh. yeah. listen ..."
anyway. i am done complaining. the original point of this post was to say that we were given two managers in a relatively short succession. first was The Hammer. she was brought in to break our spirits. she laid down a few very uncomfortable rules that broke longstanding practice for our team. i think it's safe to say The Hammer was ... well, The Hammer.
she was followed by GoodCop/BadCop, who seemed like mary freaking poppins in comparison. but i'm not sure who she is from day to day -- hence the name. at times she's smirking, funny and deprecating. at other times she's rigidly enforcing the rules in a no-nonsense manner.
(edit: and always always ALWAYS speaking in management bullshit-bingo jibberish.)
i don't know who i'm dealing with. in SuitWorld, i guess, that's SOP.
1.25.2005
hot, hot ... sameness
seen walking out of the cafeteria:
two late-20s/early-30s young women, sashaying in front of us. both wearing: a black top; a wool skirt that was thisfar above the knee; black leggings; and those fuck-me knee-high boots.
they were walking in unison, selling what they got. it was ... eerie.
"how'd they get to be friends?" T. asked.
harlots of the world, unite! you have nothing to lose but your individuality.
two late-20s/early-30s young women, sashaying in front of us. both wearing: a black top; a wool skirt that was thisfar above the knee; black leggings; and those fuck-me knee-high boots.
they were walking in unison, selling what they got. it was ... eerie.
"how'd they get to be friends?" T. asked.
harlots of the world, unite! you have nothing to lose but your individuality.
in bed
i just gave a presentation -- one that was created by a group, edited by a group, and yet presented by one person. odd how that happens ...
anyway. throughout there are "mission statements" galore. i decided that henceforth, the new rule about "bullshit bingo"-type statments should be that they all end with "in bed."
so ...
(note: capitalizations are in original, to show how important these things are!)
anyway. throughout there are "mission statements" galore. i decided that henceforth, the new rule about "bullshit bingo"-type statments should be that they all end with "in bed."
so ...
drive company performance by providing fast, reliable, innovative technology solutions ... we strive for Operational Excellence and continued Innovation.
in bed.
(note: capitalizations are in original, to show how important these things are!)
where the ideas come from
so last night i'm telling the wife that i'm starting a new blog, and i tell her that this time it's going to be different, and i'm going to write what i want to write, and sometimes it might be "creative" writing and therefore not what she's used to ... even adult, sometimes.
"well then i guess i'll tell blonde-headed friend not to read it."
blonde-headed friend (henceforth, BHF) has been one of my most faithful readers at my old site. she's the wife's best friend -- they talk 10 times a day -- and she is the "little old lady" whose tastes are most representative of most people ... when i was writing, i'd think "what would BHF think of this?" and whatever answer i got would govern what i wrote.
anyway. i say all this to illustrate that, sometimes, ideas come from places you'd never expect, and sometimes, the idea is harder to explain before it's written.
**
for example: this morning, in the shower, i was thinking about a dinner party we'd had the other night. another one of the wife's friends -- let's call her S. -- was talking about how much she loved her macintosh laptop. she asked me if i knew how to "make a movie" on it, and i started showing her some of the cool things the ilife suite could do -- including make a professionally printed book out of iphoto.
she was amazed, and S. asked me if i could help her make a movie of her young son. i said i'd be happy to, in exchange for a home-cooked meal, because S. is quite the cook.
so in the shower this morning, i'm thinking about quitting my job -- i'm always thinking about quitting my job -- and starting a business specializing in editing and compiling movies for rich people. and as the fantasy goes on, an idea pops into my head:
what if one of the rich couples wanted to make a paris-hilton-style video, and asked me for help?
it's rich with comic potential: would i want to be a pornographer? if so, i'd need to buy two cameras. could i be in a room while two people have sex? if so, i think i'd need three cameras ... you see how this kind of idea could be hilariously done.
**
you also see how, if i were to write this, it might be shocking to BHF. after all, she, too, was present at the dinner party from which the idea started. and to hear her best friend's husband write about being a pornographer ... well, that might not be what BHF would be expecting to see. and from that, you can see how the wife might not want anyone she knows to be aware that i have this site.
i'm not saying i care about anyone's reaction ... i'm just saying that all this will be interesting.
so last night i'm telling the wife that i'm starting a new blog, and i tell her that this time it's going to be different, and i'm going to write what i want to write, and sometimes it might be "creative" writing and therefore not what she's used to ... even adult, sometimes.
"well then i guess i'll tell blonde-headed friend not to read it."
blonde-headed friend (henceforth, BHF) has been one of my most faithful readers at my old site. she's the wife's best friend -- they talk 10 times a day -- and she is the "little old lady" whose tastes are most representative of most people ... when i was writing, i'd think "what would BHF think of this?" and whatever answer i got would govern what i wrote.
anyway. i say all this to illustrate that, sometimes, ideas come from places you'd never expect, and sometimes, the idea is harder to explain before it's written.
**
for example: this morning, in the shower, i was thinking about a dinner party we'd had the other night. another one of the wife's friends -- let's call her S. -- was talking about how much she loved her macintosh laptop. she asked me if i knew how to "make a movie" on it, and i started showing her some of the cool things the ilife suite could do -- including make a professionally printed book out of iphoto.
she was amazed, and S. asked me if i could help her make a movie of her young son. i said i'd be happy to, in exchange for a home-cooked meal, because S. is quite the cook.
so in the shower this morning, i'm thinking about quitting my job -- i'm always thinking about quitting my job -- and starting a business specializing in editing and compiling movies for rich people. and as the fantasy goes on, an idea pops into my head:
what if one of the rich couples wanted to make a paris-hilton-style video, and asked me for help?
it's rich with comic potential: would i want to be a pornographer? if so, i'd need to buy two cameras. could i be in a room while two people have sex? if so, i think i'd need three cameras ... you see how this kind of idea could be hilariously done.
**
you also see how, if i were to write this, it might be shocking to BHF. after all, she, too, was present at the dinner party from which the idea started. and to hear her best friend's husband write about being a pornographer ... well, that might not be what BHF would be expecting to see. and from that, you can see how the wife might not want anyone she knows to be aware that i have this site.
i'm not saying i care about anyone's reaction ... i'm just saying that all this will be interesting.
1.24.2005
i wonder what it's like to be right all the time.
i wonder what that feels like -- to wake up and know that your opinions are perfectly formed, that the world is just so and it truly conforms to what you know to be right.
i'll be happy to admit that there are many, many things about which i'm conflicted. politics is one, for example. some days i'm a republican. some days i'm a democrat. and some days i'm a libertarian who would love to say "a pox on both your houses" and go start his own party.
abortion? dunno. it's murder, but -- some days -- i think it should be legal.
affirmative action? dunno. it's totally unfair and contrary to the spirit of the declaration of independence, but -- some days -- i realize the whole damn society was contrary to that spirit. for 300 years.
geo. w. bush? dunno. effective leader or ineffective chimp? both. and neither. was i happy using the weird marker on the ballot in november? no ... but then i read tony pierce and i realize that i'm happy bush won, if only to annoy fucks like this.
tony is right. all the time. you can't argue. or he'll let you think you can. he'll seem all open minded. he'll post pictures of hot babes. and then he'll let loose with a zinger like this:
yuppers. that's it. i dislike bush = thomas jefferson of course would dislike bush. so much so, in fact, that he'd renounce his citizenship and go to the one country that, for the past three years, has gotten more mileage and glee over sticking its thumb in our eye ...
wow. i'm so glad the world has people like tony pierce -- how else would i come to realize how wrong i am?
i wonder what that feels like -- to wake up and know that your opinions are perfectly formed, that the world is just so and it truly conforms to what you know to be right.
i'll be happy to admit that there are many, many things about which i'm conflicted. politics is one, for example. some days i'm a republican. some days i'm a democrat. and some days i'm a libertarian who would love to say "a pox on both your houses" and go start his own party.
abortion? dunno. it's murder, but -- some days -- i think it should be legal.
affirmative action? dunno. it's totally unfair and contrary to the spirit of the declaration of independence, but -- some days -- i realize the whole damn society was contrary to that spirit. for 300 years.
geo. w. bush? dunno. effective leader or ineffective chimp? both. and neither. was i happy using the weird marker on the ballot in november? no ... but then i read tony pierce and i realize that i'm happy bush won, if only to annoy fucks like this.
tony is right. all the time. you can't argue. or he'll let you think you can. he'll seem all open minded. he'll post pictures of hot babes. and then he'll let loose with a zinger like this:
How will George Walker Bush be remembered? That will depend on how the person who is sworn in on this day in 2009 addresses the damage he has caused to what was, in antiquity, a good idea. Because today, Thomas Jefferson, asleep in the soil of Virginia, officially became a citizen of France.
yuppers. that's it. i dislike bush = thomas jefferson of course would dislike bush. so much so, in fact, that he'd renounce his citizenship and go to the one country that, for the past three years, has gotten more mileage and glee over sticking its thumb in our eye ...
wow. i'm so glad the world has people like tony pierce -- how else would i come to realize how wrong i am?
the manifesto
so i'm sitting here at work, looking over templates for the blog. so far i like what i have, but there are so many others from which to choose!
i've decided to take a break -- maybe permanent -- from my principle site, because i feel like starting fresh.
there's a great scene in "Citizen Kane" in which Charles Foster Kane publishes The Inquirer's "declaration of principles" --his idealistic front-page statement about what the paper will stand for (and won't stand for) ... later in the movie, Leland sends it to Kane, along with a torn-up check that Kane thought could by his loyalty.
my manifesto will be as follows:
1) no capital letters. i'm sorry, but they annoy me.
2) no censored thoughts. i did too much of that on my old site. it's going to be mine and mine alone.
3) so if you want to blame someone for what you read ... you know who to talk to.
4) some creative writing. i don't do enough of that, on my old site and in general.
5) no identities will be revealed. this will be more fun if you stumble on this and don't know who the hell i am.
more later.
so i'm sitting here at work, looking over templates for the blog. so far i like what i have, but there are so many others from which to choose!
i've decided to take a break -- maybe permanent -- from my principle site, because i feel like starting fresh.
there's a great scene in "Citizen Kane" in which Charles Foster Kane publishes The Inquirer's "declaration of principles" --his idealistic front-page statement about what the paper will stand for (and won't stand for) ... later in the movie, Leland sends it to Kane, along with a torn-up check that Kane thought could by his loyalty.
my manifesto will be as follows:
1) no capital letters. i'm sorry, but they annoy me.
2) no censored thoughts. i did too much of that on my old site. it's going to be mine and mine alone.
3) so if you want to blame someone for what you read ... you know who to talk to.
4) some creative writing. i don't do enough of that, on my old site and in general.
5) no identities will be revealed. this will be more fun if you stumble on this and don't know who the hell i am.
more later.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)