like a fish to water

so i've decided to teach myself to swim.

i never learned when i was a kid, and frijolita thinks this is crucial, as she says it's far easier to learn this stuff when you're young. but what can i do? until she gets me a time machine, and i can go back to when i was four years old, i'm kind of screwed.

(and by the way: the first stop when i get the time machine won't be 1976. it will be 1989. there's some cheerleader i should have asked out, but didn't. they called her "halitosis" because she had a minor breath problem. their taunts -- behind her back, though i know she was aware of them -- kept me from doing anything about anything. but with the time machine, i assume i'll go back with the same knowledge and awareness i have today, and not have to just relive painful, pimpled adolescent moments.

i'm not sure of the rules, though.)

anyway. i'm going to the über-yuppie health club that just opened down the road. it's actually a very nice club -- and it better be, for the outrageous amount we're paying. everything is shiny and new. we went to another club in the same chain yesterday, just for kicks -- the new one is one mile away, and the one we visited was about 100 -- and it looked like crap, compared to the new one ...

damn. i keep diverting.

frijolita was trying to show me how to do the crawl -- and i closely resemble the animation, by the way -- because all the extremely healthy swimmers i see in the lap pool do the crawl. i want to be like them. i want to actually get my hair wet and put my head under water.

needless to say, the lesson didn't go well -- not because f. didn't do a good job, but because i think i need professional help on this. i need someone to look at what i'm doing and, with the expertise that only years of helping people swim can bring, get me onto a treadmill ASAP.