i'm sorry, but this is so crude it's funny

one of my favorite blogs, the hot librarian, just told a story that i shit you not will have you spitting liquid out your nose. it's just obscenely funny and inappropriate:

I never want to hear my mother talk about dicks in the most general of senses, not even if it was like, "Come here and look at this picture I downloaded of Paul Walker's giant dick!" I don't even want to hear that. My mother is asexual and I was grown in a cabbage patch. The End.

you'll just have to read it all. not at work, please.

interesting sight on espn

i'm a big fan of "the sports reporters," the sunday morning sports-pundit roundtable (though there isn't a table to speak of) on espn -- along with "pardon the interruption," it's about the only tolerable thing on that wretched network.

what do i see this morning? four reporters -- all african-american.

nothing wrong with that at all ... just interesting. i don't recall seeing this before.

snowdog 9000

snowdog 9000, originally uploaded by pr9000.

there are more from our fun day in the backyard on my flickr site ...

our turkey day

we had a nice thanksgiving in the typing out loud household.

some of us slept in. others stayed in bed far longer than the rest ...

beastie I, originally uploaded by pr9000.

after we managed to rouse ourselves, frijolita and i set upon the day's main feast: warming up the pre-prepared turkey day feast from the local chi-chi grocery store. this place is extremely expensive in a lot of ways, but their prepared foods really are the best in the metro area.

they sent us a turkey, two dishes each of stuffing and mashed potatoes, and one dish each of sweet potatoes and green beans. add in a tub of gravy, some dinner rolls and one each of a pumpkin and apple pie ...

all we had to do is set the table.

, originally uploaded by pr9000.

and give trotter his bone, of course.

thanksgiving bone, originally uploaded by pr9000.

after the orgy of food, trotter and i decided to brave the sub-zero windchills and take a walk -- conveniently during the denver-dallas game. i figured a nice long walk would be better for my rapidly growing figure. and as it was about 4 p.m. on a late november day, the sun was casting those long, cold shadows of winter:

the long shadows, originally uploaded by pr9000.

we walked, we sniffed, we played football in the park, we chewed on some stuff, and at the end of the trip, we were rewarded with one of the prettier sunsets in recent weeks.

thanksgivingskyline.gif, originally uploaded by pr9000.

all in all, it was a nice way to spend a thanksgiving. i only wish i'd been home to see my family, but next year we'll be on a totally different holiday travel schedule. after all, it's awfully hard to stay away from this little one.

100_1268, originally uploaded by beths96.

it's like bush v. gore for the football world

remember that odd, tense night in december 2000, when the supreme court handed down its decision in bush v. gore, effectively ending the myriad recounts in florida and deciding the 2000 presidential election?

well, imagine a world where NFL football is as important as the presidency (not hard to imagine, i grant you). picture the reporters, anchors and legal experts anxiously waiting for the court to hand down a ruling on the terrell owens situation.

this, my friends, is what those analysts and anchors would be furiously reading ...

In so holding, the arbitrator observed that, while the team claimed a series of past problems, there was no evidence of any previous disciplinary actions. The same may not be said here. To conclude that Owens had not been previously disciplined would be to trivialize to the point of absurdity the explicit and repeated written warnings and verbal counseling from the Coach, as well as the one-week banishment from training camp.

it reads like a court decision, only, you know, about something fun.

just so you know ...

random, unrelated items

what with natural gas prices at all-time highs, nothing makes a better "electric blanket" than a puppy, or two cats.

it may be news to some ... it may be interesting to others ... but my good friend mr. duffy asked me a few months back if i would be willing to run a 20k race next spring with him. like a fool, i said yes, and now i'm realizing it's time to start training for it. to start, i'm going to enter the reindeer run in a few weeks, and then work from there. who knows? i might actually be able to run this race.

it also might be news to some that, until recently, i could not swim. i could doggy paddle and survive in water, but my comfort level was nil. frijolita and The Official Mother of Typing Out Loud™ (aka "my mom") conspired to get me swimming lessons, and i'm proud to say that they were mostly successful -- "mostly" because i still can't breathe properly on the front crawl. but my fear of swimming is gone, and i'm excited to get in the pool now, though i still find myself wishing 19th century bathing suits were in style again.

and is it considered an abdominal workout when you suck in your gut around cute moms in bathing suits in the pool? 'cause if so i'm well on my way to a six-pack.

i have declared winter 2005-2006 The Winter Of Soups™ ... I have one good soup recipe (Italian Wedding Soup) and i know i need more. so i plan to try a different soup as often as possible -- usually on weekends, when i have the energy and time to cook. today's soup is mushroom barley, with a recipe taken from real simple magazine. it basically is this: sautée barley in oil, then add 4 cups water and bring to a boil, then simmer for 40 minutes. meanwhile, sautée onions in oil in a large stock pot. add carrots and celery, then mushrooms, then some broth. let that cook for about 20 minutes, then add the barley and let simmer.

should be a good one.

and one final point: like any good reader of football outsiders, i don't really care for peyton manning. oh, he's a great QB, but something about him just drives me nuts. i'd take brady any day over manning ... but i do have a soft spot for those goofy mastercard commercials where manning cheers on regular people doing their jobs. something about "cut that meat! cut that meat!" or him holding up that stupid "d-caf" sign in the cafeteria cracks me up.

which is it?

a coworker in a meeting yesterday said of a certain idea that it needs to be "flushed out" to provide more detail.

i thought to myself, "is it flushed or fleshed?"

i have to vote for "fleshed," as if to say "this idea is a skeleton, a framework, and we need to add flesh to the bones to make it whole."

but it was a marketing meeting, so i'm not surprised that incorrect language was used. i'm just impressed they managed to get dressed properly. :)

this cannot be serious.

and yet, it is.

dumbest headline of the week

all dialog guaranteed true.

two things that are bothering me

1. i went a bit wild on eBay yesterday, bidding on something that i really wanted. but it was an impetuous decision, and easily went into "i should discuss this with my spousal unit" territory. well, i won it. and now i'm sweating bullets, planning out the equivalent christmas present for frijolita. do they make gold-encrusted diamond earrings?

2. pooping has become quite the obsession for me. seems like trotter p won't "go" in the morning until he's eaten about four bites of kibble, and then waited for his father to run in the house to do something. then he (trotter p) does his thing, and keeps on eating.

i can't get him to go first thing in the morning -- we pee and then want to play. i stay outside with him for 10 minutes, and after the initial crouch (and there's nothing cuter than a puppy squatting to pee with his favorite toy du jour in his mouth) it's playtime. and the funny thing is, i know he has to poop, because he does this thing -- i hear it's close to what toddlers do when they're tired but don't want to go to sleep -- wherein he jumps into overdrive and just runs spasmodically through the yard.

he knows he has to poop. i know he has to poop. and yet, he waits until he gets in the garage and eats a bite or two.

i'm not angry at him -- accidents, the "dummies' guide to raising a puppy" tells me, are more a fault of the owners' inability to pay sufficient attention to the dog. which is fine; i'll take the blame. but i'm just pissed off that i can't seem to find that trick that will get trotter p to (as the books put it) "eliminate" on my schedule.

maybe this guy


eating carpet, originally uploaded by pr9000.

should talk to this girl


October 15, 2005, originally uploaded by beths96.

about the finer points of pooping on command.

old school

swasey1.jpg, originally uploaded by pr9000.

bethwedding1.jpg, originally uploaded by pr9000.

nerfinlake.jpg, originally uploaded by pr9000.

found a bunch of pictures this weekend, from 1991-2002, and scanned them in. there's some good stuff, old school style.

“The book is not readable because of the overuse of adverbs.”

A list of some of the more notable one-star book reviews from amazon.com:

Mrs. Dalloway (1925)

Author: Virginia Woolf

“The only good thing to say about this “literary” drivel is that the person responsible, Virginia Woolf, has been dead for quite some time now. Let us pray to God she stays that way.”

i should make a t-shirt of this

multiple choice birthday quiz

this person

a. is celebrating her 29th (give or take a few years) birthday
b. just tried out for the third season of "the real laguna beach"
c. ate her weight in cheese curds at the minnesota state fair last year
d. is thinking "boy, i got away with a lot of shit in high school that nobody knows about"
e. all of the above

happy birthday, j!

this should be fun.

or not.

(note: to subscribe in itunes, copy this link and paste it in the "Subscribe to Podcast" under the "Advanced" menu ... feed://pr9000.podomatic.com/rss2.xml)

my head asplode

while i have no idea the origin of this post's title, a google search is as hilarious as this story.

you can read the whole thing first, and then -- thanks to my powerful editing skillz -- enjoy the essence of the story, as filtered by yours truly ...

FAYETTEVILLE, Ark. -- Casey Dick ...will start for Arkansas Saturday, coach Houston Nutt said.

The red shirt is coming off, Nutt said Sunday, because Dick has impressed his coaches with his passing in practices and has shown the skills to move the offense.

Robert Johnson started the first seven games. Nutt said he would take the blame for Johnson's struggles.

"It's not that I'm saying it's Johnson's fault," Nutt said. "Johnson has done some good things and he's still needed."

Nutt said Dick deserves a chance. Nutt said Dick has thrown against the Arkansas defense all season in practice "and has done very, very well."

"Dick has good instincts," Nutt said. "It's hard to explain. He just has 'it.' Dick just seems to have a knack for making some plays and we're going to give him an opportunity."