Top Ten Tyrone Carter Facts

so i stole this, basically, from this hot internet site, and changed it slightly, as i truly believe -- as do the good folks at heelssoxsteelers -- that tyrone carter is the meanest sum'bitch in the steelers' locker room.

Tyrone Carter's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

Tyrone Carter does not sleep. He waits.

Tyrone Carter is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

The chief export of Tyrone Carter is pain.

If you can see Tyrone Carter, he can see you. If you can't see Tyrone Carter, you may be only seconds away from death.

Tyrone Carter has counted to infinity. Twice.

Tyrone Carter does not hunt because the word hunting implies
the probability of failure. Tyrone Carter goes killing.

Tyrone Carter's blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets.

Tyrone Carter is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Tyrone Carter, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

There is no chin behind Tyrone Carter's beard. There is only another fist.

Tyrone Carter once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Crop circles are Tyrone Carter's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

Tyrone Carter is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Tyrone Carter out. It failed miserably.

Contrary to popular belief, Tyrone Carter, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Tyrone Carter has 72... and they're all poisonous.

If you ask Tyrone Carter what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Tyrone Carter drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

When Tyrone Carter sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Tyrone Carter has not had to pay taxes, ever.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Tyrone Carter's fist.

Tyrone Carter invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.

Tyrone Carter can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Tyrone Carter allows to live.

Tyrone Carter once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

What was going through the minds of all of Tyrone Carter's victims
before they died? His shoe.

Tyrone Carter is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Police label anyone attacking Tyrone Carter as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.

Tyrone Carter doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

Tyrone Carter doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.

A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Tyrone Carter and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Tyrone Carter will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.

Someone once videotaped Tyrone Carter getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Masacre.

If you spell Tyrone Carter in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Tyrone Carter originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Walker replied, "That's no glitch."

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Tyrone Carter once and he will fuck you up.

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Tyrone Carter played in second grade.

Tyrone Carter once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Tyrone Carter once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Tyrone Carter re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Tyrone Carter has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

Someone once tried to tell Tyrone Carter that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Tyrone Carter once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

Tyrone Carter is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Tyrone Carter.

Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Tyrone Carter'ss warm-up exercises.

Tyrone Carter is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Tyrone Carter turned that wine into beer.

Tyrone Carter can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Fuck was That?"

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Tyrone Carter.

Tyrone Carter discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Tyrone Carter is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Tyrone Carter roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.

Tyrone Carter doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.

The Tyrone Carter military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Tyrone Carter could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Tyrone Carter could use to kill you, including the room itself.