hey dobson ... i TOTALLY would do it too

Somehow, though, I think he means it in a different way than I do.

gotta serve somebody

fountain II, originally uploaded by pr9000.

Thanks to Hurricane Tropical Depression Fay, the Nashville area finally got some much-needed rain over the past two days. Walking barefoot in the back yard was an exercise in pain (same dialogue: "Ouch ... ouch ... spider bite! ... ouch ... dog poop ... ouch") and the plants in the front looked like French supermodels. If, I guess, supermodels were planted in dirt and peed upon by passing animals.

Yeah, that didn't work, but "go big or go home" is the motto of this blog.

I'm sitting on the front porch, admiring my manly man accomplishment of the day: installing a dimmer on the light switch. Normally I would not admire such a thing, but once again the times, they are a-changin', at least when it comes to switch wiring, and I had to decipher the latest in switch wiring technology. Which I did -- by cutting the damn thing off the wires, and doing it the way God intended (which also happens to be the way I last remember it being). Now we're all good, and the bugs waiting to bite my legs and ankles have much better mood lighting with which to do it.

***

So after the two week orgy of Olympian feats (about which I am in total agreement with my good buddy Slev), we have yet another fourteen days of manic delusion, dashed hopes, broken rules, dictatorial overlords and stunning events properly staged for television.

At one time I was more of a political junkie. I cared passionately about which parties won elections; I remember getting into a huge debate with a fellow copy editor over the Contract With America, and the relative merits of listening to Rush Limbaugh. I'll still defend the latter; he's hugely entertaining. Nobody else on radio today can lay a glove on him. I suppose it helps that I am somewhat sympathetic with certain of his points of view; I'd listen to the liberal Rush Limbaugh, if such a creature existed. He's just amazingly good at what he does, and what he does is entertain.

It's not religion. 

Oh, wait.

hillary in st c, originally uploaded by pr9000.

Uh ... never mind. (And no, the press isn't biased! That's just silly!)

Everyone has a religion in their lives; for some it's work. For others, it's sports, or drinking, or Oprah, or family, or pets -- something takes center stage in their lives. For the next fourteen days, we'll see the religion of politics take center stage. It's kind of sad, because I can think of few things that will lead to disillusion more quickly than putting your faith, hopes and dreams into politicians.

James Madison said, in Federalist 51:

If men were angels, no government would be necessary. If angels were to govern men, neither external nor internal controls on government would be necessary. In framing a government which is to be administered by men over men, the great difficulty lies in this: you must first enable the government to control the governed; and in the next place oblige it to control itself.

If men were angels. Or, as my old roommate, John D. Carroll, once told me ... I think it was the second time I met him ... "Yeah -- and if my aunt had balls, she'd be my uncle."

GM Futurama - 1939 World's Fair - Part 1

of course it was a wax museum. what else could it possibly be?

of course it was a wax museum. what else could it possibly be?, originally uploaded by pr9000.

The week we moved into our house in Franklin, I saw that Alton Brown -- he of "Good Eats," "Iron Chef America" and "Feasting on Asphalt" -- was making an appearance in Nashville in mid August. Amina surprised me with tickets to see him, as part of a package at the Opryland Resort and Convention Center, where the event was held. We found a dogsitter for Trotter -- who, though a fan of Alton's from way back, wasn't allowed to attend -- and headed off to see my hero.

He (Alton, not Trotter) was witty, engaging and slightly more acidic in person than on television. This should come as no great surprise, because most television shows tend to water down true personalities, so as to sell more commercials. Alton had some bite and told slightly off-color jokes about a little device that makes smoke and resembles nothing more than a fancy marijuana pipe designed by Sharper Image. He also mercilessly, yet tactfully, expressed his dislike of the efforts of Sandra Lee and Rachael Ray, his begrudging admiration of Emeril's sell-out to Martha Stewart ... and his funniest bit was an off-the-cuff riff about the lack of camaraderie among the various Food Network stars. Apparently, Paula Deen's private jet lands on a runway coated with butter.

Trust me, this last line was funnier in person.

It was a wonderful performance, leading me to admire Alton Brown even more than I already do (if such a thing were possible) and convincing myself that I really, really need that immersion circulator he used to cook ribs -- 20 hours at 140º F apparently does the trick. I wonder how that would handle a Boca burger ...

The hotel was a bit of a disappointment; I linked to the Trip Advisor comments above only to say that I agree with every complaint people made, and wonder how much travel experience those who give it five stars and say "best stay ever!!!!" have actually had. Any hotel that gets you to spend $20 on coffee, a bear claw and a newspaper might be a well run business, but isn't my idea of a top-notch place to stay the night. 

The grounds were impressive; the whole place felt like Vegas without the casinos or cigarette smoke, but it was designed (1) to keep you from leaving and thus (2) to keep you spending your money on its overpriced food and entertainment options. The customer service was abysmal -- if Amina had a blog, she'd tell the story of how they royally messed up her reservation -- and there's just something slightly creepy about watching palm trees blowing in the wind, until you realize that it's air conditioning, not wind, and besides the whole thing is indoors.

But it's hard to be pissy when you see things this pretty around every turn, and I must say that seeing Alton Brown in person was one of the better birthday presents I've ever received.

originally uploaded by pr9000.

"Never a good idea to attack the dude with the microphone."

This is really, really funny.

i was proud of the "jiggling the doorknob" thing

having fun

having fun, originally uploaded by pr9000.

The move to Franklin has been our third since 2002 -- Chicago to St. Louis, St. Louis to Minneapolis, and now Minneapolis to Franklin -- but for some reason I don't recall much about arriving in Chanhassen. It could be because I was living there for a few months while Amina sold the house in St. Louis, and it could be that the horrors of unpacking were avoided because we packed ourselves and thus knew where everything was ... as in, it took us almost a month to find our phones here. And we're still missing a computer.

I wish I could remember more about the last move, because I've found some curious things about this one:

Recreating our life. We had a nice routine in Chanhassen, and our first instinct was to find the Tennessee analogues ... grocery store sushi, for example. We ate sushi at Byerly's probably once a week. We've looked for some down here, and so far it's all been pretty nasty. I did the same thing when we moved to Chanhassen, looking for a decent grocery store salad bar because I'd become addicted to the one at Schnuck's. (Yes, that's the real name of a grocery store chain in St. Louis.)

We also had to find a place for Trotter to swim. Minnesota is the Land of 10,000 Lakes. Tennessee is the Land of One Lake And Maybe a Bunch of Rivers and Streams, Which Are Inhabited by Snakes That May Or May Not Be Poisonous and The Only Way To Tell Is To Get Close Enough to Look at Their Pupils, Which I Won't Be Doing Thank You Very Much. 

A neighbor told us about Garrison Creek, along the Natchez Trace just outside Leiper's Fork. There are two nature trails, and the creek has some nice, deep swimming holes that do the job as a substitute lake. Not long after the photo above was taken, the double-ended ball was lost, the victim of a poorly aimed throw. It landed very close to the creek bank and was immediately sucked under some roots, never to be seen again. Every nasty, poisonous creature in my imagination lives under there, and I wasn't about to risk any body part to save a toy, no matter the amount of service we'd gotten from it in the past ...

please ... do go on

please ... do go on, originally uploaded by pr9000.

The heat finally broke on Wednesday ... which was our one-month anniversary in the new house. It rained the day we moved in, and I don't think the humidity level dropped below 85 percent for four solid weeks. But Wednesday, a cold front moved through and brought some amazing weather.

Amazing enough that I've dared venture out of the house. I'm typing this from our back patio, while bumblebees buzz around my head, and Trotter surveys his new kingdom after yesterday's long swimming session at Garrison's Creek.

He's tired.

Life in Franklin has been a lot of fun these past four weeks, with a healthy mix of unpacking and sightseeing. I've managed to get lost in a downtown that (I kid you not) is about four square blocks. We made it to Puckett's Grocery in Leiper's Fork, we found the Natchez Trace a few times, and of course we hit the Loveless Cafe -- all good touristy things to do in the greater Franklin area.

We're not done unpacking -- not by a long shot -- but we have some semblance of order is every room. Only the garage remains my "Monster in a Box" but Amina's traveling for work this week, so hopefully I'll find some time out there.

One thing that's amazed us: the bugs. Everything's just a bit bigger down here, and poor Amina is besieged with bites on her ankles. I'm doing better than her, and the few bites I've gotten are tempered by not having to lather up with Off! every time I dare go outside. I can put up with a few itches if it means not coating my limbs with deet.

On the whole, it's all good so far. Hopefully the next month sees us finally ridding our house of the cardboard boxes.

headline: rules grammar change

it's from the onion, naturally.