of course it was a wax museum. what else could it possibly be?

of course it was a wax museum. what else could it possibly be?, originally uploaded by pr9000.

The week we moved into our house in Franklin, I saw that Alton Brown -- he of "Good Eats," "Iron Chef America" and "Feasting on Asphalt" -- was making an appearance in Nashville in mid August. Amina surprised me with tickets to see him, as part of a package at the Opryland Resort and Convention Center, where the event was held. We found a dogsitter for Trotter -- who, though a fan of Alton's from way back, wasn't allowed to attend -- and headed off to see my hero.

He (Alton, not Trotter) was witty, engaging and slightly more acidic in person than on television. This should come as no great surprise, because most television shows tend to water down true personalities, so as to sell more commercials. Alton had some bite and told slightly off-color jokes about a little device that makes smoke and resembles nothing more than a fancy marijuana pipe designed by Sharper Image. He also mercilessly, yet tactfully, expressed his dislike of the efforts of Sandra Lee and Rachael Ray, his begrudging admiration of Emeril's sell-out to Martha Stewart ... and his funniest bit was an off-the-cuff riff about the lack of camaraderie among the various Food Network stars. Apparently, Paula Deen's private jet lands on a runway coated with butter.

Trust me, this last line was funnier in person.

It was a wonderful performance, leading me to admire Alton Brown even more than I already do (if such a thing were possible) and convincing myself that I really, really need that immersion circulator he used to cook ribs -- 20 hours at 140º F apparently does the trick. I wonder how that would handle a Boca burger ...

The hotel was a bit of a disappointment; I linked to the Trip Advisor comments above only to say that I agree with every complaint people made, and wonder how much travel experience those who give it five stars and say "best stay ever!!!!" have actually had. Any hotel that gets you to spend $20 on coffee, a bear claw and a newspaper might be a well run business, but isn't my idea of a top-notch place to stay the night. 

The grounds were impressive; the whole place felt like Vegas without the casinos or cigarette smoke, but it was designed (1) to keep you from leaving and thus (2) to keep you spending your money on its overpriced food and entertainment options. The customer service was abysmal -- if Amina had a blog, she'd tell the story of how they royally messed up her reservation -- and there's just something slightly creepy about watching palm trees blowing in the wind, until you realize that it's air conditioning, not wind, and besides the whole thing is indoors.

But it's hard to be pissy when you see things this pretty around every turn, and I must say that seeing Alton Brown in person was one of the better birthday presents I've ever received.

originally uploaded by pr9000.