Kevin Everett recovery update - News 12 Blooper #12

The WTF Blanket (Snuggie Parody)

dc-10

dc-10, originally uploaded by pr9000.

I had no idea there is an Amelia Earhart conspiracy theory. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. There is a conspiracy theory about why I didn't know there was a conspiracy theory about Amelia Earhart. It involves Freemasons!

change we can believe in

"We can't drive our SUVs and eat as much as we want and keep our homes on 72 degrees at all times ... and then just expect that other countries are going to say OK," Obama said.

"That's not leadership. That's not going to happen," he added, "especially when I'm in the Oval Office."

Okay, so that last part I tacked on. But still ... I think people might take "global warming" more seriously if the people who claimed the sky is falling actually adjusted their behavior to their deeds.

super bowl logos that never made it

And here's a great story about how the logos are designed, and then immediately ripped apart by design nerds. And once again, the headline follows the classic New York Times style: If there ain't a comma in there, it ain't a Times hed.

frank gray & john russell

frank gray & john russell, originally uploaded by pr9000.

I had the most amazingly bad dream last night.

I was sitting on the deck of my massive boat, and I saw a large deer charging in the field nearby. The deer had a massive rack -- it almost looked like a moose -- and Trotter caught its scent and took chase. He caught the deer, but in the process his leg was gashed open by one of the antler tips. I had to get him to the vet.

I fired up the boat and started navigating the lake, when ... something happened -- it was horrific and frightening, but I cannot recall what it was -- and suddenly the boat was sinking.

I managed to get rescued by a helicopter, but while grabbing onto the landing tubes I somehow pulled the helicopter into the water, causing it to sink like a stone. I went down with it for a bit, realized what was happening, and let go. I remember watching it fall into the murky darkness, and then I broke the surface of the water and was gasping for air.

I felt horrible; I was single-handedly responsible for losing our million dollar boat, a helicopter and its crew, and most likely poor Trotter as well. But nothing compared to having to explain all this to Amina, which is right where I woke up.

So, how'd you sleep last night?

in the tall grass

in the tall grass, originally uploaded by pr9000.

or "dans la merde," as Anthony Bourdain put it in the Les Halles cookbook ...

Some friends from Minneapolis sent me this miniature Ben Roethlisberger figurine -- I will not call it a "doll" -- and I had to take it out yesterday with the macro lens. You can't see it here, but he comes with a little stand that looks like a section of turf from the middle of Heinz Field, including little hypocycloids; I'm guessing the real grass at Heinz is about as lifelike as the plastic here.

The cool thing about Little Ben, as I call him? He's got grass and dirt stains (visible on his right leg here), which shows that, like the "real" Ben, he's been sacked about 22 times in the first half.

take me to the bridge

take me to the bridge, originally uploaded by pr9000.

Here's how I'm spending my weekend.

and this is why i'm glad i never have to do live television

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I know she meant "fist-bumping" ... I mean, I'd like to believe that's what she meant.

what's the word i'm looking for? oh yeah -- "subtle."

shades of gray

tulip b/w, originally uploaded by pr9000.

I threw a hat on this morning before breakfast, because my hair is very wild in the mornings -- kind of like Marge Simpson's, minus the Blue #56 -- and you don't want to risk being seen with Gary Busey hair out in public.

As I was straightening my hair -- even with a hat on, you still have to watch the hair around your ears -- I noticed that I'm really, really gray. This should not come as a surprise to me, because it's been happening for years now, but somehow the suddenness of the gray threw me for a loop. It's supposed to make men look distinguished, but I think it's just ... well, it's normal, and you have to accept it as such, because time goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone. Oh yeah, well life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone.

Rock on. (Cue guitars)

Sorry for the little John "Cougar" Mellencamp (as he was known in the day) detour there, but sometimes you're writing and you start to type a phrase that your brain then recognizes and it takes you on a little detour into the music of your youth and all you can do is complete the lyric and call for the guitar solo.

"I love you hi bye"

Yesterday was my lovely wife's birthday. She called to talk to Hailey, our niece, and Hailey wasn't in the mood to talk. She was very offended that we hadn't invited her to Amina's birthday party. Never mind that there was no party -- in her four-year-old mind, every birthday has a birthday party, with cake and presents, and we hadn't invited her to ours.

Later, I guess she was forced to call us by her grandma ... it's an amazing document of brevity, in which she manages to get all her points across in about 11 seconds.

Listen for yourself.

ha ha 3

, originally uploaded by pr9000.

I mentioned in a previous post that I have a ritual on game day -- no Steeler logos allowed on my person. Sure, I'll let Trotter sit next to me with his jersey on or a bandana, but for me -- logo = bad luck.

Once again, my superstition saved Steeler Nation, as my hypocycloid-less person willed the Steelers to victory over the hated, hated, hated Baltimore Ravens, in what was the longest game ever played in the history of televised AFC Championships on Sunday nights on CBS.

I had two calls immediately afterward, both offering me congratulations. I accepted them and acknowledged that my hard work paid off, and at the time I was joking, but right now I understand: being superstitious saved us all.

Mr. Rooney, you can just mail my portion of the winner's check.

You Are Still Cleveland to Us and You Still Stink

You Are Still Cleveland to Us and You Still Stink, originally uploaded by gruber.

This might be the greatest sign ever hand-lettered and taken to a Steelers game ... I mean, it's not bombastic or silly or some variation of the network's name* -- it's just clean, straightforward, literate and hateful, all at once.

Bravo, anonymous Steelers fan. Bravo.

* but if it had, it might be
Cleveland? You still
Be, and you still
Stink

continuing my trend of posting stuff with no real content ...

At one point in my life, I lived this book:

Belicheck sore loser Jeopardy

FABA

Sure, Gwyneth. All your “friends” are calling you all the time with questions like, “I want a sink that looks midcentury, but a contemporary version of a midcentury,” or “I want a new chandelier for the foyer that’s ostentatious, but, like, ostentatious in the Moroccan-casino-in-1953 sense,” or “Where can I find a reputable organic plastic surgeon?” If that’s true, then it’s true for exactly two people: Gwyneth Paltrow and her equally smug, inquisitive friend. Just start a very small circulation newsletter called FABA (for assholes, by assholes), and leave everyone else out of it. Why have a website at all? Oh right, the condescension high.

Spaghetti Cat (I Weep For You)

Spaghetti Cat

Apparently, I'm late to the party on this, as it happened back in August. And why, pray tell, did Spaghetti Cat appear suddenly? Apparently, Spaghetti Cat is the new "bleep".

ha ha 2

ha ha 2, originally uploaded by pr9000.

the game

, originally uploaded by pr9000.

I felt as though I was an extra in a movie -- the snow fell in slow motion, floating gently down against the bright lights just a few feet above me. I twittered that it was like a being in a Scorcese movie, because the setting was picture-perfect gorgeous, but the main scene was all violence.

And it was violent. Even from section 514 -- technically, as close to the top of the stadium as you could get -- you could see how bone jarring the hits were, and how fast the athletes are ... from that high up, you could see every play happen before it happened -- kind of like watching coaches' film in real time. If you watched it a certain way, you could see the receivers run their patterns and get open (or not), or watch runners line up their blocks ... the seats were meant for fans of offense.



I was impressed by the sheer number of people in black and gold, all streaming into Heinz Field, well behaved and excited for the game. My brother in law was smart -- he'd done this a hundred times, so he knew when to troll the parking lot to watch the tailgaters, and when to enter the stadium to avoid the major crowds. We got in early, got to the seats and settled in for a long afternoon.

By the third quarter, I think everyone knew the game was over -- especially when the Steelers kept the ball for all but, I think, three plays over the fifteen minutes. With four minutes to go and the lead safe, we started out toward the car. We missed a meaningless final score by the Chargers, which might explain how quiet the crowds were as we walked toward PNC and the Clemente bridge. Or maybe everyone's vocal chords were tattered from cheering.



Either way, it was a very satisfying walk, and suddenly I wasn't as cold as I'd been just a few minutes earlier.

here we go steelers ... here we go

here we go steelers ... here we go, originally uploaded by pr9000.

I type this from my parents' house, 500 miles away from my lovely home in Nashville, where I trust Amina has mastered the art of making coffee, and is busily picking out Trotter's favorite Steelers gear (jersey, seen here, and lovely neckerchief bought at the Strip District by his grandma) for this afternoon's matchup.

Yeah, I'm going to the game at Heinz Field.

I have an interesting ritual that tradition (plus a mild case of OCD) requires me to follow for most Steeler games -- I cannot, under any circumstances, wear clothing with a Steeler logo, or sanctioned by the NFL as official Steeler merchandise, during the game.

Before? Fine. After? Not a problem. But during? Fuggedaboudit.

Thus it is with great pride that I planned my outfit for today's Steelers/Chargers game -- the first NFL playoff game I have ever attended -- with no Steelers logos in mind:

• generic Nike long-sleeve t-shirt (white w/black collar)
• generic gray fleece pullover
  
• Pittsburgh Penguins hooded sweatshirt (circa 2002 -- with the angry Penguin)
• black sweatpants underneath
  
• Lucky Brand jeans (get it? Lucky Brand?)
  
• two pairs of thick socks
  
• black shoes

I thought about this ensemble for at least a week before packing for the trip. I am very superstitious about these things, and I'm calling on these long-handed-down traditions of non-logo-creep-on-game-day, plus the power of my Slev's Stillers Avon Cologne Decanter, to propel my team to a home AFC Championship game next week.

I'm also praying not to die of frostbite.

I'll have my camera with me, and will post photos once I get home. I know you're all dying to see them. :)

remember the titans

remember the titans, originally uploaded by pr9000.

Hey Bulluck -- you mess with the Towel, you get what's coming to you.

GO STILLERS!

If I were that close to Erin Andrews, I'd probably do that too

meditations on death

or, I Have a Cold and a Penis; Therefore, I'm Dying

• The worst thing about being sick: the taste in your mouth after you wake up, gasping for breath, at 4 a.m. -- an acrid combination of cough drops, phlegm, orange juice, nasal spray and microparticles of dust hoovered in because having sinuses stuffed like sausage casing means you must breathe with your mouth open all night.
  
  
• "Blankets are okay, but they can slip and slide" ... I saw far too many commercials for The Snuggie™ between midnight and 6 a.m.; I'm going to get a red one, and look like a member of the Swiss Guard.
  
  
• When did college football bowl game season start lasting three weeks?
  
  
• I've never seen "The Great Dictator," so I'm kind of sad that the first time I saw this scene was on a small laptop screen. It seems to deserve something larger; the grace and beauty is there, but I would imagine it's far more beautiful writ larger:
  
  
  
  
• This adorable young lady deserves the blame for my cold, but I wouldn't trade my afternoon of babysitting for a healthy week ...
  
  
  
• I had an inspirational meeting the week before Christmas with a man from our church group; he was mesmerizing, uplifting and thoroughly entertaining, and I left Merridee's with the framework in place for some amazing changes in 2009, which I'll be documenting here presently.
  
  
• Oh, and apparently the meaning of "presently" that I intend above is archaic. Those pedantic assholes at Merriam Webster really piss me off. :)
  

NY resolution

NY resolution, originally uploaded by trixiebedlam.

Uh ... happy New Year?