gerb 35mm fake

gerb 35mm fake, originally uploaded by pr9000.

So it's been almost a month since my last haircut, and I was beyond the "Hurts to Wear a Baseball Hat" phase, so I broke down and visited my local discount hair cuttery.

I should have known something was up when the woman who greeted me, and asked for my phone number, was someone I'd not seen before. But what the hey, I thought -- they're all trained professionals, and they note in my "account" on the computer what settings I like (number three, square in the back, thinned out on top, keep the sideburns). I decided to throw caution to the wind and sat down with "Dusty" (not her real name).

In the first two minutes, I learn
• Dusty's first customer today informed her that he hadn't showered in a week
• Dusty's got OCD problems, but don't worry -- she's on medication
• One of her OCD problems is with hygiene
• Dusty's got incredibly toned arms. Oh, and
• At one point in her life, Dusty saw a plastic surgeon and said "Give me the Dolly Parton Special."

Seriously – her boobs were like personal flotation devices. The rest of her body was like a teenage boy's: no real curves, nothing outwardly feminine. I call her "Dusty" in honor of this classic Aqua Teen Hunger Force episode.

Carl: I seen your billboard out on the interstate! You dance at the Wild Wild Chest!
Meatwad: You thinking of that girl down at Funbag Junction. That's Busty Bazookas.
Shake: I think you're talking about Nipple Hut.
Carl: Nah, you're thinking of Crotch Town.
Shake: Crotch Town?
Meatwad: Crotch Town?
Carl: Yeah, it's near Boob Burg but Boob Burg? Kinda weak.

I mean, that's classic television right there!

Anyway, Dusty was very nice and it turned out to be a cool haircut; she's got color-coded thingees for the clippers, and her thinning device is a razor with a comb over top. She just kind of combed my hair and boom! I lost five pounds of gray.

All in all, it was a very interesting experience.