Turtle 1

Turtle 1, originally uploaded by pr9000.

Last night, a turtle – looking a lot like the one pictured above, but really, it's hard to tell turtles apart – made its way into our garage. I only realized this because that little voice in the back of my head said "Go put your shoes on out in the garage" ... if I hadn't done that, I would have missed Mr. Turtle, because he was almost invisible where I found him.

I put him in a box to show Amina, who was due home any minute. She saw him and carried him back to the culvert behind our fence – basically, way in the back yard. She was proud of herself, because the land behind our backyard is currently undeveloped, waiting on this crappy economy to allow the building of McMansions again. There are lots of wetland areas back there, and logically, this is where Mr. Turtle was heading.

This morning, I got up early and headed to city hall to plead guilty to a traffic ticket, and as I'm backing out of the driveway, who did I see? Mr. Turtle – this time at the end of our driveway, heading across the street, probably muttering "Thanks, jerkface" under his little turtle breath.

Basically, the poor thing was making a trip, took a wrong turn, got forcibly detoured the turtle equivalent of 500 miles back the other direction, and then almost got run over by the same jerk who started the detour in the first place.

Oh, and then, after he made it across the ever-dangerous streets of Westhaven, he was harassed not once, but twice, by the very friendly, very inquisitive basset hound next door. I think Winston's owner also put Mr. Turtle in a box, from which Mr. Turtle escaped. I'm not at all sure of Mr. Turtle's current whereabouts; maybe I should open my mailbox and see if he got detoured there somehow.

Me? I'm starting the P90 workout regiment. Not P90x, which is like for superstudly studmuffins, but the "basic" P90, which is like for men who get sand in their (female private parts) on a regular basis. And it (the regiment, not the sandy vajayjay) is kicking my ass.

But I have no right to complain, because compared to Mr. Turtle, my life's all rainbow-shitting unicorns.