things to think about

i can't write anymore.

i sit down and stare and stare and stare at the screen, and the only worthwhile output is the drops of blood on my forehead.

maybe it's because of exchanges like this:

journalist #1: the italian reporter states this was not the case.
journalist #2: the question is, why can't we get a roadblock right after a year?

could you please, maybe, just shut the fuck up a bit? a year ago, i'd have went on and on about media bias, how this was evidence that everyone was against the president, etc. but i got so tired of myself making those arguments that i killed my last blog. one thing i promised myself on this one -- no more of that.

i can be lazy -- i'm typing to no one. but someone who's paid to type ... well, it's inexcusable.

***

so work is driving me insane.

i took on a project ... well, kind of inherited it ... that could have large political benefits, insofar as corporate politics have beneficial outcomes, but also comes with large political risk -- namely, completely pissing off all the people it will touch.

i could bitch about my manager, but for the most part she's been cool. today saw both sides of her -- the GoodCop who gave me an unexpected pat on the back, and the BadCop who looked at four months of work and said "gee, this isn't easy to use at all!" and now i have to think about redesigning the whole thing.

i could bitch about my coworkers, but what good would that do? some of them even read this, and would know i was bitching about them. i think the ones i'm not writing about know that i'm not writing about them specifically, so guys -- smile.

i could bitch about the hours i'm putting in, but that's like bitching about how early the sunrise comes. not much you can do about that ... when a project has to be done and done right, you can either put in the hours necessary or you can accept failure. i'm not about to do that.

but the emotional cost of these hours is amazing to me. i've always believed that you can't make one choice and just assume that you'll still be able to make all other choices as well ... sometimes, the choice you make necessarily makes other choices for you. so when i choose to work like this, a lot of other decisions are made for me.

like free time with a. like time to get things done around my house, which i'm more convinced daily is just too damn big for two people. like time to write -- and wasn't i talking about that earlier?