buy me some kleenex and cracker jacks

first monday in april: must be opening day 2005.

first monday in april: must be that my preferred team is in turmoil about its starting lineup.

first monday in june: i'll start waiting for training camp 2005.

it's not easy being a pirates fan. in fact, it's not easy being fans in more than a few major league cities. but with the possible exception of tampa and kansas city, it's hardest being a fan in pittsburgh.

"I want a leadoff hitter that hits .330 with 25 home runs and steals 60 bases a year," [manager Lloyd] McClendon said. "A No. 3 hitter [behind Jack Wilson] who hits .340 and drives in 120 [runs], a No. 4 hitter who hits 50 home runs a year, a No. 5 hitter who hits .345."

You get the point. The Pirates don't have that kind of lineup -- let alone that kind of team -- so what difference does it make who starts today? Most likely, the same eight position players won't be back out there Wednesday afternoon in the season's second game.

that's the problem: at some point -- usually after a mid-june swoon, preferrably during a long west-coast string -- pirates fans have to wonder what difference it makes who puts on the uniform. they all are below-average major leaguers. the pirates as currently constituted would tear up some AAA league somewhere. too bad they play in the national league central.

the only hope i can see is that the rest of the nl central is depleted by injuries and/or roster moves. the cubs are damned now that dusty baker and jim hendry have chased off ... steve stone and chip caray. (not the name(s) you were expecting, no?) that team is a shell of its former self, though i do think they will see some psychic benefit from no longer having sosa round.

the cards are depleted and i don't see how they can get by with the pitching staff they currently have -- that's been larussa's achilles since he's been there. the reds and mariners ... blah. maybe the reds. who knows?

all i know is this: it's going to be a typical hover-around-.500 two months for the pirates, then they'll fall apart.

c'est la vie.