they say he looks like me

, originally uploaded by beths96.

Mom and Beth both swear that holding Ryan is like holding me when I was his age.

Watching him shovel in the food just confirms that fact. :)

in case you're wondering, i composed that song myself.

You ever get tired of people telling you how talented you are?

Me neither.

And yet, after a few years of hearing "You know, you're a good photographer" ... I finally took the hint and decided to do something about it.

Now I have some ground rules:

No ugly children.

That's all I've managed to come up with so far. "No ugly children" should be on a t-shirt somewhere, actually. It reminds me of something I heard once from good ol'G. Ogden Nutting C. Montgomery Burns ... "I don't like being outside, Smithers. For one thing, there's too many fat children."

I keed, I keed ... fat children are fine (I used to be one myself). I'm just looking to find some good subjects to build the portfolio for now. I want to focus on child and family photography, with hopefully some pets thrown in for good measure.

I really enjoy taking pictures, especially the candid, "photojournalism" shots, because they can show the subject's true personality. It's uniquely rewarding to look at a photo afterward and realize you caught it for a fleeting moment.

So hit the site, make my bandwidth costs soar and sign up today. Maybe I'll be able to retire one day.

leave the gun. take the cannoli.

Carbolic Smoke Blog is always funny.

i'm sorry, but my niece is gorgeous

, originally uploaded by beths96.

all dialog guaranteed true

A client's issue just magically repaired itself; the vendor sent me this classic Dilbert in an email:



So then I wrote:

me reporter. me good at math.

This article about high food prices made me laugh, out of pity for the reporter and editor(s) who think the italicized comment is insightful:

In broad terms, the economy isn't terrible ... But it is for those Americans who are pinched by rising food and gasoline costs, and that’s a lot of folks. Half the nation’s families earn below the median family income of about $56,000. Three-fifths of American families report income under $70,000.

Yeah. Half make above the median too. That's why it's a median.

The article is correct about rising food prices, though ... I'm seeing that every time I go to the grocery store.

"You're awesome. That's all that needs to be said" ... about 30 times, apparently.

My wife and I are big fans of Top Chef on Bravo. We're also fans of Anthony Bourdain (and for that I have my former team member T to thank).

Nevertheless, the sycophantic praise of Bourdain borders on the insane. Every time the man farts, people praise its smell, texture and sound.  Need evidence? Check out his very entertaining blog about the most recent Top Chef episode. Ignore that Bravo makes you click six times to read the whole piece ... ignore the crazy design of the web page, daring the reader to pay attention to the words ...

But don't ignore the comments. I got through 53 of them, and found that 30 were nothing but unadulterated praise of Bourdain.

Don't believe me? Check this out:

I've always adored anthony bordain ... WIth blogs like yours, I think I look forward to reading about the show more than I like watching it! ... Your observations are always spot on (and a delight to read, as are all your books). ... Love the comments from Anthony B., he always keeps it real. ... your humor and candor is sorely needed! ... This is scaring me. Are you inside my head now? ... Telling it like it is... Mr. Bourdain, you are right on ... Ah, Chef Bourdain...a rare treat. ... Go, Tony, go! The truth will set us all free. ... You're awesome. That's all that needs to be said. ... You are truly amazing Mr Bourdain. You are so cool!!!!!!!!! ... I love you Anthony never leave us ... I find your blogs insightful, and extremely entertaining. If only life could be narrated by you ... First off I've recently become a huge fan of You Mr. B........I love U, ... OMG - Anthony; you always manage to keep me thoroughly entertained. ... Once again, I hate you!! Not only am I envious of your way with food, but I am jealous of your way with words. ... Once again, Chef, laugh out loud funny and absolutely true. ... Your blog said it all. ... "Snarkologist?" OMG, I am so in love with you! ... Well played Chef, well played indeed! ... Bravo! You hit every single important point of the episode. ... Hello Mr. Bourdain~ You are a riot! I am thrilled that you have your own blog now along with everyone else. ... Simply put this is ther best TC blog I have read. ... Anthony, you rock! ... Yours are the best blogs of all (sorry, everybody else). ... Mr Bourdain: That was a helluva blog. That was the best blog of all time ever. You are God. ... Excellent blog, Lord Bourdain. I was all a-tingle to see you are becoming a regular blogger here ... AB is nail on the head as always. ... Oh Tony... as if I didn't love you enough already, you bust out the Simpsons reference and bring up Mr. Teeny. ... Mr. Bourdain, you are fantastic, sir, absolutely fantastic. ...

rose

, originally uploaded by pr9000.

motley

motley, originally uploaded by pr9000.

someone at the times has a sense of humor

my doppel

In an attempt to whore for my friend T, who apparently is in the Witness Protection Program, I present you with my one and only daily doppelganger:




G. Ogden Nutting, destroyer of so many Pirates' fans hopes
C. Montgomery Burns

liebchen, trotter & fletcher

We've done a lot of work on our house the past few weeks -- new furnace (grrrr), new paint in every room, and a new-ish kitchen floor, with a darker stain ... and now we're in decoration mode.

Our guest bedroom has long been a pit -- it's my room, actually, where I get dressed and otherwise throw clothes on the floor, bed and (if they'd stick) the walls. But no more! Now that it's painted and pretty, we have to keep it nice.

We went to Ikea and got a metric shitload of frames, some little night stands and a really nice bookshelf above the bed, to take the place of a headboard. We spent all day putting the shelf up ... it's name is "Lack" and I think that's pretty prophetic, because I lacked even the basic skills to hang it properly. But it's up, and to show that I have faith in my work, I slept under it that night, and I didn't wake up dead, so it must be OK.

But what to put in the frames on the shelves? We think these three will do just fine in 12 x 18 ...

liebchen, originally uploaded by pr9000.

trotter, originally uploaded by pr9000.

fletcher, originally uploaded by pr9000.

impoverished african children -- they're just like us!

Give them laptops in school and this happens.

diggy on minnetonka

, originally uploaded by pr9000.

This dog loves to swim. We had him out on Lake Minnetonka last week and he was a wild man. The saddest part was when my wife and I were floating out about 100 feet off shore, just relaxing, and he was on the boat, just freaking out because he wasn't with us.

The couple we were with let him off his leash, and he hauled ass out to us, swimming as fast as he could, and all the time he was whining and crying these pathetic little cries.

He's such a baby.

I tried. :) Maybe it will work tomorrow.

I tried. :) Maybe it will work tomorrow., originally uploaded by beths96.

the missus and i bought those shirts for hailey and ryan. the picture cracks me up.

ryan

, originally uploaded by beths96.

hailey

, originally uploaded by beths96.

i'd like to see the doctor's note on this

Can you imagine not going to work tomorrow because you hurt your foot? And when your supervisor asks you why, you say, "Well ... I kicked a burning terrorist in the balls so hard that I tore a tendon in my foot" ...

Reading this story reminded me of Larry David's desire to help out his fellow man on "Curb Your Enthusiasm." To set the clip up, the chef of Larry's new restaurant has Tourette's Syndrome.

My favorite part: "Fellatio. Cunnilingus. French kissing. (pause) Rim job!"

i don't do politics on this blog

... but the reaction to the Libby commutation cracks me up.

my nephew

, originally uploaded by beths96.

"Pittsburgh" Pirate Lemur

"Pittsburgh" Pirate Lemur, originally uploaded by PirateLemur.

a good friend of mine has a a lemur with a patch over one eye; his name is "pirate lemur" and he's been all around the world.

this shot is from his recent trip back to his spiritual motherland, PNC Park, home of the pittsburgh pirates ... he's slated to start tonight against the angels.

WWDC for IT nerds

Here's a nice article about what to expect at WWDC if you're a programmer, found at the über-awesome Darling Furball site. 

Some people don't know it, but Apple does kind of shoehorn an IT track into the conference, and it has its own list of things for which one should be prepared.

This year I attended with some old colleagues from a previous, corporate IT life, and we spent the time staring at all the hot women, eating all the delicious food and basking in Steve Jobs' warm glowing warming glow ... and after we all sobered up, we came up with our own list.

So, in a transparent attempt to goose my page views, here's my "12 Things Every IT Nerd Should Do @ WWDC 2008."

Skip anything that says "State of the Union." Monday will be dedicated to lesser keynotes, all involving the state of some sort of technology. The IT one invariably is a snoozefest, punctuated by semi-veiled cheerleading and a few vendor commercials. You can skip and not miss a thing.

Attend anything that says "Feedback Forum." Nothing will let you learn what's really going on with your compatriots quite like feedback forums. And bring good stuff, not just complaints -- Apple's engineers are human, after all (though coated with a thin layer of coolness that only an Apple badge brings).

Go to the labs. You can learn quite a lot here, especially if you come armed with a specific list of questions/issues. It's like one-on-one coaching from Apple.

Avoid the wraps. In fact, avoid the food altogether ... this year they plied us with a hot lunch on Monday (after the Stevenote) that was actually tasty -- a cruel trick, for the rest of the week we were served old carpet, twigs and berries and road gravel. Oh, and they're cheaping out on the snacks, too -- what used to be Jamba Juice and tons of candy bars now is fruit and cookies. It's welcome, but I went to Walgreens and stocked up on things I liked instead.

Comfortable shoes are a must. You'll be standing in line. A lot. Be ready for that. Woe be unto you who wear dress shoes or high heels. (What you do in your free time is totally cool with me, though.)

Newbie? Prepare to be amazed. Oh, the pointless minutia that will fill your mind (and notes) -- it comes at you so fast, and it's all so new, that your head will be swimming by Tuesday afternoon. This is how professionals do it! 

Seasoned veteran? Prepare to be skeptical. Fuck this, you'll mutter to yourself after the fourth annual "This time, our AD plugin really works!" session. And that cool new feature in (insert OS name) Server? It only works with Open Directory because "we write it for what we use internally" ... Fuck this running, you'll mutter. Over and over.

Name badge says "Apple?" Go bug that person. This is about the only way you'll ever get close to Apple software and hardware engineers, and they're attending precisely so that you can talk to them, directly, about your wishes and dreams. Take advantage, because you're not likely to get this kind of access for 12 months.

Swag +eBay = Profit! Not saying it's ethical, but I am saying it's profitable.

Stay in school, don't do drugs, call your mother. One of my former colleagues suggested these, and I'm sure he lives by most of them. Well, some of them. Maybe.

WWDC wrapup

, originally uploaded by pr9000.

So this was the annual week where Mac nerds return to our virtual Capistrano -- Moscone West in San Francisco, for the annual World Wide Developers Conference. That's the official name, though the pedant in me wants to say "Developers'" -- shouldn't it be possessive? I've been wrong about these things before.

The week was dedicated to the official unveiling of Leopard, the next version of the operating system; unofficially, everyone and their brother wanted to talk about the iPhone. Rumors were swirling (why do rumors always "swirl?") about a SDK for making iPhone apps, or all of us getting a free iPhone under our seats, or even the presence of real, live women we'd like to see naked among the ponytailed and sandaled attendees.

Technologically, WWDC didn't disappoint, though I am under orders not to talk about anything I learned outside of the aforementioned hot developers.

So instead, I'll talk about seagulls.

, originally uploaded by pr9000.

A client and I spent two evenings down by Municipal Pier, taking pictures of all sorts of stuff. I focused on seagulls, because they're right there and we don't have any in Minneapolis. I got some nice shots, I think, and didn't get pooped on once.

landing, originally uploaded by pr9000.

, originally uploaded by pr9000.

WWDC usually has a "bash" on Thursday nights; in the past, we'd all be shepherded onto buses and taken to Cupertino, to wait in line at the campus store for two hours and freeze our asses off once the sun when down over the mountains. This year, they let us go to Yerba Buena gardens; the tradeoff was better food but shitty beer selections, compared to last year anyway. But beer is not the point of the bash, or at least it isn't anymore. Some of the graybeards still call it the "beer bash" and give past events an almost mythic quality, but I'm sure it was the socially awkward nerds interacting with socially awkward engineers made cool by the Apple imprimatur.

the official photographers of WWDC™, originally uploaded by pr9000.

Ozomatli was the band, and they kicked ass for a solid hour. Lots of great music -- a good party band.

, originally uploaded by pr9000.

, originally uploaded by pr9000.

On the whole, it was a fun, fun time. But I'm dragging ass and I'm about as saturated with Apple propaganda as I've ever been.

presidents: let me smack them, too.

What I came in time to believe is that the great shortcoming of this White House, the great thing it is missing, is simple wisdom. Just wisdom--a sense that they did not invent history, that this moment is not all there is, that man has lived a long time and there are things that are true of him, that maturity is not the same thing as cowardice, that personal loyalty is not a good enough reason to put anyone in charge of anything, that the way it works in politics is a friend becomes a loyalist becomes a hack, and actually at this point in history we don't need hacks.

asses ... let me smack them.

This Fark thread might be my all time favorite ever. (For an explanation of sorts, go to this site)

birds (series)

birds (series), originally uploaded by pr9000.

fat and happy

, originally uploaded by beths96.

, originally uploaded by pr9000.

He moves in mysterious ways.

If ever I have doubted the presence of God in my life, He'll come along and remind me that, no matter what's going on around me, He's still in my corner.

Thanks, Big Guy.

evan

DSC_0079, originally uploaded by pr9000.

, originally uploaded by beths96.

conan at lucasfilm

it's really funny about six minutes in ...

'like pushing a cornish game hen through these gray drapes.'

'a mental institution, michael. something you might want to think about.'

Dude sounds like Ronald Reagan. Seriously.

i wonder if they're related

Timothy E. Key, 21, of 4625 Jefferson St., Bellaire, reportedly used his cellular phone to contact Megan Brak, 20, of 2138 Marshall Street, Benwood, via text message ...

Hmmm. Megan Brak.



Love is blind. Deaf, dumb and blind.

at sesame street live

, originally uploaded by beths96.

skyline

skyline, originally uploaded by pr9000.

So I'm in the Windy City today ... and it's windy. In fact, it's foggy -- it's as if there's a frontal system right over Michigan Avenue. And as I sit it out, in the world's loudest Starbucks (T-Mobile has made me Starbuck's bitch) it's interesting to look out on what used to be "reality" for me.

I visited a company I used to work for, long ago -- then as the IT director, now as someone hoping to win their business. It was nice to take a small trip down memory lane. The company just moved floors, but stayed in the same nice building. It was always incredibly cool to know that our front door had a bird's eye view of the Wrigley Building clock. That was just ... too awesome for words.

I have other appointments in town today, but that one was by far the most exciting. I was very nervous in the cab, transported back 10 years or so, remembering who I was then, and what I've (hopefully) grown to become now. ("Grown" as in "matured," not necessarily as in "gotten wider at the middle")

So enjoy this shot of Chicago, stitched together from a bunch of pictures taken during the final weekend of my time here ... I'd already moved by that point, but came back because my old roommate/best man/best friend was packing up his family for Ohio. Another good friend had left a few months earlier, and for me, it was kind of the "end of an era" (to overuse an already overused cliche).

And that shot was really, really tough to put together, by the way. If only I'd had Photoshop CS 3, or known an incredibly suave salesguy who could have sold it to me. :)

in flight

in flight, originally uploaded by pr9000.

so it's spring in minnesota, which means a few things:

-- pollen
-- rain
-- grass growing an inch a day
-- pollen
-- bees.

i took these in the buckeye tree (!) in our backyard ... our house's original owner wantd something different, so he planted a buckeye tree. i think that's just incredible ... when i saw those buckeyes on the ground that first fall, i knew we had the right place to live.

someone's happy!

, originally uploaded by beths96.

my thoughts on the matter of gas prices ...

i could have lettered at this

'when you put down one mother, you put down mothers all over the world'

i can't get this song out of my head.

i'm trying something else

head on over if you don't mind ...

etranger, stranger ...

etranger, stranger ..., originally uploaded by pr9000.

Last year, it took me until late December to fly enough miles to hit Silver, the lowest of the Northwest Airlines "elite" memberships.

This year, I'm more than halfway there, and it's only April.

This year, I've got a Hertz Gold membership. I've got status with Marriott. I'm Silver. And none of it matters.

Traveling sucks.

all dialog guaranteed true

thursday, april 12, 2007
8:02

me:
glaring errors?
you tell me george and susan b. weren't gettin' it on

navyspouse3:
Maybe if she dug up his corpse....

me:
were they that far apart?

navyspouse3:
SBA, 1820 - 1906, according to wikipediwrong. And George probably would've considered himself a vet of the 7 years war. But that's more semantics. One man's Bull Run is another man's Manassas.

me:
didn't she make the first flag?

navyspouse3:
Betsy Ross, dude.

me:
AHHHHHH
lol
i totally got my two historical babes mixed up
damn.

navyspouse3:
SBA was the women's suffrage activist.
And no man of George's stature would've touched SBA...except maybe with a bat.

me:
you think george got good colonial tail?

navyspouse3:
I think the term Battle Axe was first applied to a woman referring to her.
Oh heck yeah. Powerful man like that HAD to get the colonial tail.

me:
i don't want to think of george being like that.
i know franklin was
jefferson too
definitely hamilton
but not washington.

navyspouse3:
Just look at Franklin, Jefferson...and the guy was away from the plantation for what, 80% of his adult life? I'd love to think he was faithful to Martha, but it's not like he was without ego.

me:
so you think the "crossed the delaware" a lot then.
duffy was threatening legal action if i kept making fun of jefferson.
he said i could use elbridge gerry and hamilton.

navyspouse3:
You know he made some trips to South Philly and Olde Times Square to sample the local flavor.
Ye Olde Times Square Nude etchings store.

me:
lol
he was a big fan of the magazine "juggs of an outstanding prominence"

navyspouse3:
LOL... I like Jefferson, A LOT, him and Franklin...but it's silly to be blind to what we KNOW to be the case, for several of them.

me:
"when in the course of human events I must have some poo-nanny lest I go insane"
yes
the contemporary-standards-to-past-historical-figures thing bothers me.

navyspouse3:
Put it this way, knowing what we know today about men in those positions of power -- and knowing that there were at least a few men of similar stature back then who behaved the same -- it just seems more likely than not to me. But George could've been the Jimmy Carter of 1795, lusting only in his heart and feeling guilty even about that.

The first and last suggestion you will ever see, anywhere, of similarities between Jimmy Carter and George Washington.

me:
except on huffingtonpost.com or airamerica.com

navyspouse3:
In 1869, long time friends Frederick Douglass and Susan B. Anthony found themselves, for the first time, on opposing sides of a debate. The Equal Rights Association, which had originally fought for both blacks’ and women’s right to suffrage, voted to support the 15th Amendment to the Constitution granting suffrage to black men, but not women. Anthony questioned why women should support this amendment when black men were not continuing to show support for women’s voting rights.

Frederick Douglass replied, "Give dem crazy bitches the vote? Bitch, you cookin?"

me:
lol
and would it decrease his stature in your eyes if george were the bill clinton of his era?
(last time you'll see washington and bubba compared, at least from me)

i think he muttered something about her "laffy taffy" and walked away

navyspouse3:
First thing that went through my head reading the passage above. I'm a bad man. But I had to take my mind off the picture of Susan B Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton on that wiki page. Enough to make my dick permanently soft.

It would not decrease my opinion of George if he were a horndog, BTW. That wasn't what bothered me about WJC, anyway.

me:
i can't say that i'm bothered by anyone being a horndog, as i totally understand the impulse
i can say i'm bothered by infidelity
but i'm weird that way
in that i'm SURE he made a promise before god not to do that
as did i
and i take that insanely, earth-shatteringly seriously
make a promise to The Big Man
you really gotta keep it
at the same time
i vacillate
b/c i know it happens
and i know otherwise good people do it
and i know that spouses have learned to make peace with it

navyspouse3:
Right, and it's not something I would do either. I don't approve of it, but it's not something it's my place to judge.

me:
but is it judging to say "i disagree with that, and i think it shows a flaw in personality, therefore i won't be associated with that person anymore?"

navyspouse3:
That's your choice; On a personal level, I don't disagree with it, and would probably feel the same way, because if they've really made a commitment to their spouse that they're breaking, then they're probably not going to be trustworthy with you either.

me:
i keep hearing "render unto caesar what is caesar's; render unto god what is god's"
26:51
in that case, i'm naming my first born "caesar yahweh"

navyspouse3:
But, I've also known people with "arrangements" that I didn't know about at the time (and why should I?) which puts a different light on the situation, for me anyway.

me:
i was going to blog this
but it looks too deep

navyspouse3:
Sure, why not?

me:
if you're OK with it
i thought it'd be funny
but it turned awfully serious

navyspouse3:
I could throw in a joke about the size of Thomas Jefferson's "Little Jeff" if that would lighten it up at all.

me:
go for it

navyspouse3:
And since Duffy doesn't know where to find me, so much the better.

me:
LOL

only in pittsburgh

only in pittsburgh, originally uploaded by pr9000.

So the missus and I are going through Pittsburgh International Airport -- finest airport mall in the nation, far as I'm concerned -- and as we come up the escalator from the tram, we see these two distinguished gentlemen.

Only in a football-crazy city would you dare put a running back next to the father of our country. That's right, it's George Freaking Washington, the father of our country, standing next to Franco Harris.

One wonders what kind of conversation the two would have ...

George: I cannot tell a lie ... I chopped down that cherry tree.
Franco: I cannot tell a lie ... The ball kind of hit the turf.
George: When we crossed the Delaware, I really thought we were going to lose to the Brits.
Franco: I know what you mean. I thought Jackie Smith was going to hold onto that ball in the end zone.
George: You guys let them come back toward the end there.
Franco: Yeah. I'm sure Benedict Arnold didn't help you guys either.
George: Hell no. But we persevered. As did you and the rest of the team, especially when Bradshaw channeled his inner Bubby Brister against the Rams in XIV.
Franco: You follow the NFL?
George: Yeah. I'm a Patriots guy myself.
Franco: Figures.
George: I like the old, red unis best though. Pat Patriot looked a lot like Jefferson, especially in that position.
Franco: Uh ... are you saying ...
George: Jeff? "As a two dollar bill," as Ben Franklin would say.
Franco: Well, you know, there actually is a two dollar bill now. Not too popular, but it's there.
George: Wow. It's hard to keep track of all the currency changes ... I heard there was some harlot on a dollar coin not too long ago.
Franco: Native American.
George: Huh?
Franco: The new term is "Native American" ... they weren't really "Indians," you know. Columbus thought he landed in the East Indies, hence the term. But it's not accurate.
George: I was talking about Susie Anthony. She was the town butter churn, if you know what I mean ... Another one: I cannot tell a lie -- I tapped that ass.
Franco: You're freaking me out here.
George: (pauses) Wait: so now I'm a hero of the "French and Native American Wars?"
Franco: Genocidal. I wouldn't put that war on your resume, if you know what I mean.
George: It's much easier following football.
Franco: Tell me about it.