only in pittsburgh

only in pittsburgh, originally uploaded by pr9000.

So the missus and I are going through Pittsburgh International Airport -- finest airport mall in the nation, far as I'm concerned -- and as we come up the escalator from the tram, we see these two distinguished gentlemen.

Only in a football-crazy city would you dare put a running back next to the father of our country. That's right, it's George Freaking Washington, the father of our country, standing next to Franco Harris.

One wonders what kind of conversation the two would have ...

George: I cannot tell a lie ... I chopped down that cherry tree.
Franco: I cannot tell a lie ... The ball kind of hit the turf.
George: When we crossed the Delaware, I really thought we were going to lose to the Brits.
Franco: I know what you mean. I thought Jackie Smith was going to hold onto that ball in the end zone.
George: You guys let them come back toward the end there.
Franco: Yeah. I'm sure Benedict Arnold didn't help you guys either.
George: Hell no. But we persevered. As did you and the rest of the team, especially when Bradshaw channeled his inner Bubby Brister against the Rams in XIV.
Franco: You follow the NFL?
George: Yeah. I'm a Patriots guy myself.
Franco: Figures.
George: I like the old, red unis best though. Pat Patriot looked a lot like Jefferson, especially in that position.
Franco: Uh ... are you saying ...
George: Jeff? "As a two dollar bill," as Ben Franklin would say.
Franco: Well, you know, there actually is a two dollar bill now. Not too popular, but it's there.
George: Wow. It's hard to keep track of all the currency changes ... I heard there was some harlot on a dollar coin not too long ago.
Franco: Native American.
George: Huh?
Franco: The new term is "Native American" ... they weren't really "Indians," you know. Columbus thought he landed in the East Indies, hence the term. But it's not accurate.
George: I was talking about Susie Anthony. She was the town butter churn, if you know what I mean ... Another one: I cannot tell a lie -- I tapped that ass.
Franco: You're freaking me out here.
George: (pauses) Wait: so now I'm a hero of the "French and Native American Wars?"
Franco: Genocidal. I wouldn't put that war on your resume, if you know what I mean.
George: It's much easier following football.
Franco: Tell me about it.