anna

Me: hello, anna.

Anna: Welcome to IKEA. How can I help you?

Me: i need some furniture for my new mobile home.

Anna: Here you will find our latest releases!

Me: releases? what are releases?

Anna: I have detailed knowledge of IKEA products and services. How would you like to use my knowledge of IKEA?

Me: i've always wanted an ikea employee to smear one of those ice cream cones on my chest.

Anna: The IKEA business idea is: "We shall offer a wide range of well-designed, functional home furnishing products at prices so low that as many people as possible will be able to afford them."

Me: those ice cream cones are, like, 99 cents.

Anna: To which IKEA store are you referring to when asking about the restaurant?

Me: schaumburg, illinois.

Anna: Here you can enjoy a cooked breakfast, a light snack, or even dinner. Take a look at the great meal deals that IKEA Schaumburg has to offer.

Me: do you work in schaumburg?

Anna: Here you can find information related to the Schaumburg store.

Me: enough about that. tell me more about you.

Anna: There is no 'me'. I am a computer program. What would you like to know about IKEA?

Me: i'd like to know why ikea is hiring computer programs to flirt with me.

Anna: How is IKEA different from other furnishing stores? We offer a wide range, good design and function, and also low prices. That's our business idea.

Me: yeah, that -- and hiring computer applications to make me think they like me

Anna: As you are talking about computers and the Internet, I would like to show you IKEA USA website map.

Me: i would like to show you the ceiling of my bedroom.

Anna: We don't offer training.

Me: are you saying i'm not experienced in the ways of the bedroom?

Anna: Please have a look at the Beds.

Me: now we're getting somewhere. top, or bottom?

Anna: I'm very sorry, but I can't really talk about things like that at this time.

Me: you are such a tease!

Anna: If you think that I am not providing you with useful information about IKEA you can contact the Customer Service at your nearest IKEA Store.

Me: would customer service be a real person, or just another computer program designed to make my pants fit funny?

Anna: Which IKEA store would you like the contact details for?

Me: never mind.

Anna: You can find all products on the MINDE product line in the page I am now opening for you.

Me: sheesh. good night, anna.

Anna: I don't sleep, but thanks anyway. Goodnight.