after a lot of thought, i've decided that this blog is going on hiatus. i ain't got much to say, and i what i do have to say i'm pretty sure isn't terribly interesting.
on the odd chance there is anything interesting going on, you can see it on flickr.
smell ya later.
12.17.2005
12.16.2005
where was this when i was in college?
i was a big abuser of the computer labs in college, primarily because i had an old tandy t-1000 that just sucked ass ... and once i got a glimpse of that funky new york font that magically made a half-page paper turn into a full page in word 5.1, well, i was hooked.
had i read this helpful article on the internet then, i might have gotten laid more. of course, there was no internet then -- not as we know it today -- so i doubt that it would have helped.
They are.
had i read this helpful article on the internet then, i might have gotten laid more. of course, there was no internet then -- not as we know it today -- so i doubt that it would have helped.
If you've spotted a girl in the lab who you think you'd like to "get to know better," the first thing you're going to want to do is try and look at what she's doing on the computer.
Don't.
This is not going to get you any points with her. I can't tell you how many times I've peeked over a random girl's shoulder in the lab and gotten slapped simply for saying, "What are you looking at?" or "Who are you writing an e-mail to?" or "You're looking at YahooNews? It's things like that that make me cry when I think about you while masturbating." Yeah, I don't know why that ticks them off either. Girls are weird.
They are.
12.15.2005
12.14.2005
it snowed.
as anyone who lives around here knows ... we got a bit of snow today. i went to bed last night and could see the driveway, and trotter and i woke up to snow up above his belly (which makes for intriguing potty trips).
i got home and broke out the camera.
i had trotsky helping me on this one, so i had frijolita take him inside so i could go explore the neighborhood a bit.
i've never been a huge fan of colored lights -- that is, until i saw my neighbors' bushes before the snow. but they're even more beautiful after.
and the night ended up with me, on my back, in the middle of the road, to get this one.
i got home and broke out the camera.
i had trotsky helping me on this one, so i had frijolita take him inside so i could go explore the neighborhood a bit.
i've never been a huge fan of colored lights -- that is, until i saw my neighbors' bushes before the snow. but they're even more beautiful after.
and the night ended up with me, on my back, in the middle of the road, to get this one.
12.12.2005
12.06.2005
12.04.2005
when you can confim you've lost it
i'm sitting here on the couch, watching "outside the lines" detail why it's a good idea and a bad idea for the colts to try to go 16-0, and liebchen is trying to get out of the living room.
we have put up baby gates at all major entrances to the room, to keep trotter p from getting out (or in, depending on circumstances) and chewing on/peeing & pooping on/eating things in other rooms.
but we provide an escape route: french doors that lead to a sitting room of sorts off the main living room. they're cracked enough for a cat to fit through, even fat ones like ours.
so liebchen, aka "beastie" for her ferocious hiss, is trying to physically move a baby gate that weighs five pounds or so, with her little paw.
i find myself saying out loud "beastie ... there's a door right over there (gesturing toward the french doors) you could go out of. you do it every day, so why are you trying to go out that way?"
you know you've lost it when you start talking to your pets in english complicated enough to pass for real human conversation.
we have put up baby gates at all major entrances to the room, to keep trotter p from getting out (or in, depending on circumstances) and chewing on/peeing & pooping on/eating things in other rooms.
but we provide an escape route: french doors that lead to a sitting room of sorts off the main living room. they're cracked enough for a cat to fit through, even fat ones like ours.
so liebchen, aka "beastie" for her ferocious hiss, is trying to physically move a baby gate that weighs five pounds or so, with her little paw.
i find myself saying out loud "beastie ... there's a door right over there (gesturing toward the french doors) you could go out of. you do it every day, so why are you trying to go out that way?"
you know you've lost it when you start talking to your pets in english complicated enough to pass for real human conversation.
11.28.2005
i'm sorry, but this is so crude it's funny
one of my favorite blogs, the hot librarian, just told a story that i shit you not will have you spitting liquid out your nose. it's just obscenely funny and inappropriate:
you'll just have to read it all. not at work, please.
I never want to hear my mother talk about dicks in the most general of senses, not even if it was like, "Come here and look at this picture I downloaded of Paul Walker's giant dick!" I don't even want to hear that. My mother is asexual and I was grown in a cabbage patch. The End.
you'll just have to read it all. not at work, please.
11.27.2005
interesting sight on espn
i'm a big fan of "the sports reporters," the sunday morning sports-pundit roundtable (though there isn't a table to speak of) on espn -- along with "pardon the interruption," it's about the only tolerable thing on that wretched network.
what do i see this morning? four reporters -- all african-american.
nothing wrong with that at all ... just interesting. i don't recall seeing this before.
what do i see this morning? four reporters -- all african-american.
nothing wrong with that at all ... just interesting. i don't recall seeing this before.
11.26.2005
11.25.2005
our turkey day
we had a nice thanksgiving in the typing out loud household.
some of us slept in. others stayed in bed far longer than the rest ...
after we managed to rouse ourselves, frijolita and i set upon the day's main feast: warming up the pre-prepared turkey day feast from the local chi-chi grocery store. this place is extremely expensive in a lot of ways, but their prepared foods really are the best in the metro area.
they sent us a turkey, two dishes each of stuffing and mashed potatoes, and one dish each of sweet potatoes and green beans. add in a tub of gravy, some dinner rolls and one each of a pumpkin and apple pie ...
all we had to do is set the table.
and give trotter his bone, of course.
after the orgy of food, trotter and i decided to brave the sub-zero windchills and take a walk -- conveniently during the denver-dallas game. i figured a nice long walk would be better for my rapidly growing figure. and as it was about 4 p.m. on a late november day, the sun was casting those long, cold shadows of winter:
we walked, we sniffed, we played football in the park, we chewed on some stuff, and at the end of the trip, we were rewarded with one of the prettier sunsets in recent weeks.
all in all, it was a nice way to spend a thanksgiving. i only wish i'd been home to see my family, but next year we'll be on a totally different holiday travel schedule. after all, it's awfully hard to stay away from this little one.
some of us slept in. others stayed in bed far longer than the rest ...
after we managed to rouse ourselves, frijolita and i set upon the day's main feast: warming up the pre-prepared turkey day feast from the local chi-chi grocery store. this place is extremely expensive in a lot of ways, but their prepared foods really are the best in the metro area.
they sent us a turkey, two dishes each of stuffing and mashed potatoes, and one dish each of sweet potatoes and green beans. add in a tub of gravy, some dinner rolls and one each of a pumpkin and apple pie ...
all we had to do is set the table.
and give trotter his bone, of course.
after the orgy of food, trotter and i decided to brave the sub-zero windchills and take a walk -- conveniently during the denver-dallas game. i figured a nice long walk would be better for my rapidly growing figure. and as it was about 4 p.m. on a late november day, the sun was casting those long, cold shadows of winter:
we walked, we sniffed, we played football in the park, we chewed on some stuff, and at the end of the trip, we were rewarded with one of the prettier sunsets in recent weeks.
all in all, it was a nice way to spend a thanksgiving. i only wish i'd been home to see my family, but next year we'll be on a totally different holiday travel schedule. after all, it's awfully hard to stay away from this little one.
11.24.2005
it's like bush v. gore for the football world
remember that odd, tense night in december 2000, when the supreme court handed down its decision in bush v. gore, effectively ending the myriad recounts in florida and deciding the 2000 presidential election?
well, imagine a world where NFL football is as important as the presidency (not hard to imagine, i grant you). picture the reporters, anchors and legal experts anxiously waiting for the court to hand down a ruling on the terrell owens situation.
this, my friends, is what those analysts and anchors would be furiously reading ...
it reads like a court decision, only, you know, about something fun.
well, imagine a world where NFL football is as important as the presidency (not hard to imagine, i grant you). picture the reporters, anchors and legal experts anxiously waiting for the court to hand down a ruling on the terrell owens situation.
this, my friends, is what those analysts and anchors would be furiously reading ...
In so holding, the arbitrator observed that, while the team claimed a series of past problems, there was no evidence of any previous disciplinary actions. The same may not be said here. To conclude that Owens had not been previously disciplined would be to trivialize to the point of absurdity the explicit and repeated written warnings and verbal counseling from the Coach, as well as the one-week banishment from training camp.
it reads like a court decision, only, you know, about something fun.
11.22.2005
11.20.2005
random, unrelated items
should be a good one.
11.16.2005
which is it?
a coworker in a meeting yesterday said of a certain idea that it needs to be "flushed out" to provide more detail.
i thought to myself, "is it flushed or fleshed?"
i have to vote for "fleshed," as if to say "this idea is a skeleton, a framework, and we need to add flesh to the bones to make it whole."
but it was a marketing meeting, so i'm not surprised that incorrect language was used. i'm just impressed they managed to get dressed properly. :)
i thought to myself, "is it flushed or fleshed?"
i have to vote for "fleshed," as if to say "this idea is a skeleton, a framework, and we need to add flesh to the bones to make it whole."
but it was a marketing meeting, so i'm not surprised that incorrect language was used. i'm just impressed they managed to get dressed properly. :)
11.15.2005
11.11.2005
two things that are bothering me
1. i went a bit wild on eBay yesterday, bidding on something that i really wanted. but it was an impetuous decision, and easily went into "i should discuss this with my spousal unit" territory. well, i won it. and now i'm sweating bullets, planning out the equivalent christmas present for frijolita. do they make gold-encrusted diamond earrings?
2. pooping has become quite the obsession for me. seems like trotter p won't "go" in the morning until he's eaten about four bites of kibble, and then waited for his father to run in the house to do something. then he (trotter p) does his thing, and keeps on eating.
i can't get him to go first thing in the morning -- we pee and then want to play. i stay outside with him for 10 minutes, and after the initial crouch (and there's nothing cuter than a puppy squatting to pee with his favorite toy du jour in his mouth) it's playtime. and the funny thing is, i know he has to poop, because he does this thing -- i hear it's close to what toddlers do when they're tired but don't want to go to sleep -- wherein he jumps into overdrive and just runs spasmodically through the yard.
he knows he has to poop. i know he has to poop. and yet, he waits until he gets in the garage and eats a bite or two.
i'm not angry at him -- accidents, the "dummies' guide to raising a puppy" tells me, are more a fault of the owners' inability to pay sufficient attention to the dog. which is fine; i'll take the blame. but i'm just pissed off that i can't seem to find that trick that will get trotter p to (as the books put it) "eliminate" on my schedule.
maybe this guy
eating carpet, originally uploaded by pr9000.
should talk to this girl
October 15, 2005, originally uploaded by beths96.
about the finer points of pooping on command.
2. pooping has become quite the obsession for me. seems like trotter p won't "go" in the morning until he's eaten about four bites of kibble, and then waited for his father to run in the house to do something. then he (trotter p) does his thing, and keeps on eating.
i can't get him to go first thing in the morning -- we pee and then want to play. i stay outside with him for 10 minutes, and after the initial crouch (and there's nothing cuter than a puppy squatting to pee with his favorite toy du jour in his mouth) it's playtime. and the funny thing is, i know he has to poop, because he does this thing -- i hear it's close to what toddlers do when they're tired but don't want to go to sleep -- wherein he jumps into overdrive and just runs spasmodically through the yard.
he knows he has to poop. i know he has to poop. and yet, he waits until he gets in the garage and eats a bite or two.
i'm not angry at him -- accidents, the "dummies' guide to raising a puppy" tells me, are more a fault of the owners' inability to pay sufficient attention to the dog. which is fine; i'll take the blame. but i'm just pissed off that i can't seem to find that trick that will get trotter p to (as the books put it) "eliminate" on my schedule.
maybe this guy
eating carpet, originally uploaded by pr9000.
should talk to this girl
October 15, 2005, originally uploaded by beths96.
about the finer points of pooping on command.
11.05.2005
old school
found a bunch of pictures this weekend, from 1991-2002, and scanned them in. there's some good stuff, old school style.
11.03.2005
“The book is not readable because of the overuse of adverbs.”
A list of some of the more notable one-star book reviews from amazon.com:
Mrs. Dalloway (1925)
Author: Virginia Woolf
“The only good thing to say about this “literary” drivel is that the person responsible, Virginia Woolf, has been dead for quite some time now. Let us pray to God she stays that way.”
multiple choice birthday quiz
this person
a. is celebrating her 29th (give or take a few years) birthday
b. just tried out for the third season of "the real laguna beach"
c. ate her weight in cheese curds at the minnesota state fair last year
d. is thinking "boy, i got away with a lot of shit in high school that nobody knows about"
e. all of the above
happy birthday, j!
11.01.2005
this should be fun.
or not.
(note: to subscribe in itunes, copy this link and paste it in the "Subscribe to Podcast" under the "Advanced" menu ... feed://pr9000.podomatic.com/rss2.xml)
(note: to subscribe in itunes, copy this link and paste it in the "Subscribe to Podcast" under the "Advanced" menu ... feed://pr9000.podomatic.com/rss2.xml)
my head asplode
while i have no idea the origin of this post's title, a google search is as hilarious as this story.
you can read the whole thing first, and then -- thanks to my powerful editing skillz -- enjoy the essence of the story, as filtered by yours truly ...
you can read the whole thing first, and then -- thanks to my powerful editing skillz -- enjoy the essence of the story, as filtered by yours truly ...
FAYETTEVILLE, Ark. -- Casey Dick ...will start for Arkansas Saturday, coach Houston Nutt said.
The red shirt is coming off, Nutt said Sunday, because Dick has impressed his coaches with his passing in practices and has shown the skills to move the offense.
Robert Johnson started the first seven games. Nutt said he would take the blame for Johnson's struggles.
"It's not that I'm saying it's Johnson's fault," Nutt said. "Johnson has done some good things and he's still needed."
Nutt said Dick deserves a chance. Nutt said Dick has thrown against the Arkansas defense all season in practice "and has done very, very well."
"Dick has good instincts," Nutt said. "It's hard to explain. He just has 'it.' Dick just seems to have a knack for making some plays and we're going to give him an opportunity."
10.26.2005
condi rice: the shinning!
don't suppose that was photoshopped, do you? or is she always that frightening?
if so, she's totally got my vote in '08. imagine her in a summit with north korea ... they'd all start muttering "brains ... brains" and the crisis would be solved.
10.25.2005
up a tree, and other things
as i am on an extended work trip of the non-MotherShip™ sort, i noticed the sunset in a small southern minnesota town was too beautiful to pass up ...
believe it or not, this is the trunk of that same tree:
odd, how the red sunset disappeared once i got up close and personal. but as one person here noted, the time between us noticing the gorgeous sunset and getting outside to photograph it -- all of 45 seconds -- was enough to lose the full effect of what we first saw.
and while i'm posting ...
if you want to see an animated GIF of the entire first "star wars," click here for all the fun. or, if you have seen the first one, here's "empire" for your viewing pleasure ...
no, not this guy:
and in case anyone is wondering ... yes, she survived the first birthday party.
10.23.2005
down the road to pete and mary 's
i had no idea i had black and white film in the camera ... i took this because the fall colors at my parents' house are amazing. too bad we'll never know ...
10.13.2005
wet leaves
i took trotter out for his morning constitutional today, an hour before my alarm was to go off. i'm not sure why i got up early, but i did, and it was one of those times when you know there's no way you'll be going back to sleep. so i got up, threw on my coat, and took trotsky out to poop.
when i got outside, it felt as though the temperature had risen a bit overnight. it had rained all day and part of the night, and, being october, leaves carpeted the grass.
as i was waiting on trots to "good potty, boy, good potty!' ... i wondered what time my first class was.
i'm, what, 33 years old now? not that i'm ancient -- not by any stretch -- but i'm not in my 20s anymore. i wonder how long it will be until i stop defining myself by that decade. my first thought, as i took a deep breath of the crisp october morning air, was of college -- the incredibly painful joy i had while walking across the quad to class, or from class, or to the dining hall, etc.
cold, wet october days define college for me. it's been 11 years since i've been in an organized collegiate classroom, and yet every september i get excited, looking forward to ... what, exactly? it used to be the magical cycle -- summer, then school, then christmas break, then a whole bunch of stuff thrown together until summer. and for me, in many ways, it's still like that.
one of my favorite memories from those years: i'd traveled home for some reason on friday night -- i think this was my senior year -- and drove back to school early saturday morning. in the car i found the ohio state-penn state football game, and got back to my room by halftime.
it was late afternoon, late october, and the rain and gloom caused that odd dusk-at-4-p.m. atmosphere. i curled up on the couch with the blanket my grandma had given me before i started school four years earlier, made a big cup of coffee and watched the game. i don't remember who won -- i remember the cocoon i made on the couch, the way the heating pipes in the basement of curtis east gave my room a warm smell, and the total comfort i took in knowing that i couldn't do this in september (too hot outside) or november (no OSU games) or january (you don't curl up to watch the playoffs).
the only problem is that, in my current geographical location, "cold, wet october days" are a harbinger of nasty, brutish winters that last longer than any season has a right to last. i temper my inner excitement with the knowledge that these special october days are limited in number, and lead to bitter months ahead.
when i got outside, it felt as though the temperature had risen a bit overnight. it had rained all day and part of the night, and, being october, leaves carpeted the grass.
as i was waiting on trots to "good potty, boy, good potty!' ... i wondered what time my first class was.
i'm, what, 33 years old now? not that i'm ancient -- not by any stretch -- but i'm not in my 20s anymore. i wonder how long it will be until i stop defining myself by that decade. my first thought, as i took a deep breath of the crisp october morning air, was of college -- the incredibly painful joy i had while walking across the quad to class, or from class, or to the dining hall, etc.
cold, wet october days define college for me. it's been 11 years since i've been in an organized collegiate classroom, and yet every september i get excited, looking forward to ... what, exactly? it used to be the magical cycle -- summer, then school, then christmas break, then a whole bunch of stuff thrown together until summer. and for me, in many ways, it's still like that.
one of my favorite memories from those years: i'd traveled home for some reason on friday night -- i think this was my senior year -- and drove back to school early saturday morning. in the car i found the ohio state-penn state football game, and got back to my room by halftime.
it was late afternoon, late october, and the rain and gloom caused that odd dusk-at-4-p.m. atmosphere. i curled up on the couch with the blanket my grandma had given me before i started school four years earlier, made a big cup of coffee and watched the game. i don't remember who won -- i remember the cocoon i made on the couch, the way the heating pipes in the basement of curtis east gave my room a warm smell, and the total comfort i took in knowing that i couldn't do this in september (too hot outside) or november (no OSU games) or january (you don't curl up to watch the playoffs).
the only problem is that, in my current geographical location, "cold, wet october days" are a harbinger of nasty, brutish winters that last longer than any season has a right to last. i temper my inner excitement with the knowledge that these special october days are limited in number, and lead to bitter months ahead.
10.10.2005
the scotus 9
what if the supreme court were a baseball team?
4. John Roberts: You want your Chief Justice cleaning up. He’s the engine that really drives the motor of the legal system in this country, and he’s got to be the linchpin of your order. I’ll tell you, too. John Roberts can really hit a hanging curveball a mile. See, a hanging curveball hangs - rather than drop down to the hitter’s knees, it stays up in the zone, about yay-high. When you pitch a ball like that to an experienced barrister like John Roberts, you’re in for a world of trouble. Just like David Wells the other night!
10.06.2005
colder than a witch's ...
it's no secret that i live in the great north woods.
it's positively canadian here, which makes me feel for those poor souls who live in "southern" canada. i mean, it's oct. 7 and i go out to walk trotter p in the morning, to give him a chance to live up to his middle initial ... and there's frost everywhere. october freaking seventh!
anyway. frijolita and i are very concerned about the upcoming winter season, because natural gas prices are way freaking high this year. if we thought filling our gas-guzzling SUV was going to be painful ... just wait until january rolls around and we have to choose between paying our heating bill and buying food for trotter.
i did not just say that, did i?
it's positively canadian here, which makes me feel for those poor souls who live in "southern" canada. i mean, it's oct. 7 and i go out to walk trotter p in the morning, to give him a chance to live up to his middle initial ... and there's frost everywhere. october freaking seventh!
anyway. frijolita and i are very concerned about the upcoming winter season, because natural gas prices are way freaking high this year. if we thought filling our gas-guzzling SUV was going to be painful ... just wait until january rolls around and we have to choose between paying our heating bill and buying food for trotter.
i did not just say that, did i?
10.02.2005
trotter p and his duck
meet the newest member of the household ... trotter p, born aug. 1 and brought home oct. 1.
9.28.2005
europe in black and white
i finally got back my black and white film of europe, and i've added my favorites to the europe set on flickr.
a friend of mine told me last week something that really blew my mind: i always seem to take pictures of things from odd angles, she said, which gave her a new perspective on things she's seen before.
i never realized that, but yeah, i guess if you look at these pictures, not one was taken from what you'd assume is a normal, straight-on view. i guess that's my calling card ...
anyway. these black and whites are some of my favorite pictures i've ever taken. i hope you enjoy them.
a friend of mine told me last week something that really blew my mind: i always seem to take pictures of things from odd angles, she said, which gave her a new perspective on things she's seen before.
i never realized that, but yeah, i guess if you look at these pictures, not one was taken from what you'd assume is a normal, straight-on view. i guess that's my calling card ...
anyway. these black and whites are some of my favorite pictures i've ever taken. i hope you enjoy them.
9.27.2005
purple monkey dishwater
most of those horror stories from katrina? total fiction.
yeah. george bush is the worst mayor new orleans ever had, too. (as for the title: search for the phrase here)
yeah. george bush is the worst mayor new orleans ever had, too. (as for the title: search for the phrase here)
9.26.2005
my wife
i just wanted to make a public declaration of my absolute love and adoration for my wife.
i really don't deserve someone as good as her.
sometimes, i feel like the luckiest man alive. my heart is so swollen with love, i just had to share this with you all.
i really don't deserve someone as good as her.
sometimes, i feel like the luckiest man alive. my heart is so swollen with love, i just had to share this with you all.
9.25.2005
why the stillers lost to the patriots ... again
as i'm sitting there, watching new england beat pittsburgh, i can point to one thing, and one thing only, that told me the game was over before viniateri kicked the field goal to win it:
the steelers gave the patriots too much time remaining after scoring their touchdown.
i can't have been the only person in steeler nation to be screaming "but there's too much time left!" at the TV after ward caught that touchdown pass. and i can't be the only person in steeler nation to be a bit confused as to why the steelers -- a power-running team if ever there was one -- didn't try a few rushes during that 50 yard drive. you know, to kind of take some precious tick-tick-tick-ticks off the clock.
mind you, they did rush once -- a gutsy quarterback draw on 2nd and 1 from inside the new england 20. and it got good yardage. but not one, but two linesmen were called for holding, and that led to the improbable 4th and 11 pass -- again, a great call -- that should have been caught. i mean, it sure looked like quincy morgan had the ball ...
wait. what am i thinking? quincy morgan is the go-to guy in this circumstance? i'm guessing that russ grimm spilled some primanti bros. sammich toppings all over cowher's little laminated playbook. bill looked at the sheet, saw that "4th down +10" was covered in mayo, and decided to call morgan's number.
but they scored. great. game tied with about a minute and change left. we all knew that brady would get huge chunks of yardage on pass plays -- 14 and 17 on the first two snaps -- but then the patriots ran the ball, got nothing, and cowher calls a time out, to preserve the clock.
what i'm also wondering is this: why did cowher call time out on that down, but never again? why did he let the clock run down to nothing leading up to viniateri's kick? what kind of half-assed clock management is that?
the steelers deserved to lose this game, from what i saw. the better team won -- again.
the steelers gave the patriots too much time remaining after scoring their touchdown.
i can't have been the only person in steeler nation to be screaming "but there's too much time left!" at the TV after ward caught that touchdown pass. and i can't be the only person in steeler nation to be a bit confused as to why the steelers -- a power-running team if ever there was one -- didn't try a few rushes during that 50 yard drive. you know, to kind of take some precious tick-tick-tick-ticks off the clock.
mind you, they did rush once -- a gutsy quarterback draw on 2nd and 1 from inside the new england 20. and it got good yardage. but not one, but two linesmen were called for holding, and that led to the improbable 4th and 11 pass -- again, a great call -- that should have been caught. i mean, it sure looked like quincy morgan had the ball ...
wait. what am i thinking? quincy morgan is the go-to guy in this circumstance? i'm guessing that russ grimm spilled some primanti bros. sammich toppings all over cowher's little laminated playbook. bill looked at the sheet, saw that "4th down +10" was covered in mayo, and decided to call morgan's number.
but they scored. great. game tied with about a minute and change left. we all knew that brady would get huge chunks of yardage on pass plays -- 14 and 17 on the first two snaps -- but then the patriots ran the ball, got nothing, and cowher calls a time out, to preserve the clock.
what i'm also wondering is this: why did cowher call time out on that down, but never again? why did he let the clock run down to nothing leading up to viniateri's kick? what kind of half-assed clock management is that?
the steelers deserved to lose this game, from what i saw. the better team won -- again.
farking out loud
the premise: a guy named bodhi oser prints out stickers with the word "fuck" on them -- all sorts of different sizes of stickers. then he goes around, finds signs, and uses the stickers to modify the sign. then he takes a picture, puts all those pictures together, and sells a book.
some of the sample images on the site are pretty funny ...
to see them, click "this way" or "that way" and enjoy ... this is one coffee table book i just might buy.
some of the sample images on the site are pretty funny ...
to see them, click "this way" or "that way" and enjoy ... this is one coffee table book i just might buy.
9.24.2005
hey mister congenial-looking black man, record a show for me
i don't understand what the congenial-looking black man (mr. CLBM for short) means when he outlines what i'll "love about directv dvr" ...
see, mr. CLBM, we just got our directv with dvr -- which is just tivo -- activated yesterday. and it's pretty; it's shiny and silver and looks very, shall we say, powerbook-ish behind the glass in our entertainment console.
the only problem: it seems to fucking record random programs. programs i did not ask it to record, and unless frijolita mixed a few spoonfuls of Cremora brand Creamer with Crack in my morning coffee, programs i would never in a million years record.
such as cooley high. and some eric stoltz movie that i've never heard of before. why, mr. CLBM, would i love some sort of ipod shuffle action with all one billion channels you offer me.
some days, it's as if technology is giving me the finger.
***
other days, though, it's the entire home improvement industry that flips me off.
take, for example, what happened at the homestead while f and i were galavanting across western europe. we had a little flood in our back yard, as lake eponymous decided that it couldn't deal with a five-inch deluge one sunday night. water came up to our back porch, about 200 feet away from its banks.
there also was a lightning strike at or near our house, as it blew up the outlets in our basement and garage, killed all devices plugged into phone lines (and damaged one of our two lines itself), totally fried my cable modem and wireless router, blew up our sprinkler system and the electric eyes on the garage door, and ruined my old powerbook G3, which was plugged directly into the wall.
well.
the sane part of my brain said "get several highly-paid experts in here to fix all this," while the insane part said "dood -- you can totally fix all this shit." i think f was listening to the insane part, because each time the sane part decided to speak its mind out loud, she had this "who farted?" look on her face that told me her true thoughts about her husband's piss-poor home improvement skills.
long story short, we got an electrician neighbor to fix the basement outlets, and he's still poking around the garage to find out what's wrong out there ... we canned the tivo and got directv ... we upgraded the router and modem, but decided to get DSL about a week later ... and i fixed the electric eyes on the garage door.
that was a major triumph. that day, i put up shelves in f's office, then fixed the electric eye, then mowed the grass around the house where the flood had deposited all our expensive mulch, and decided that, because i was on a roll, i would tackle the largest project to date:
putting our storm door back on the front of the house.
see, it had blown off a few times, because when my father in law and i put it up, we were high on that Cremora Crack stuff and did a horrible job -- so horrible, in fact, that we decided that one of the most important parts of the door (the plunger thingee that makes it automatically close) would cause us to totally deplete what little home improvement skills we had left.
well, of course, the wind blew the door totally open so many times that it pulled the wood jamb completely off the door frame and, voila, one day i come home and the f tells me the freaking door fell off.
i let it sit for a few weeks, contemplating what to do. the sane part of my brain said "call a qualified professional TODAY" but the insane part, in cahoots with my lovely wife, made me feel like a (insert word for female genitalia) for not being able to hang up a simple little door.
***
so i decided to do it. i went to the local ACE hardware and the friendly hardware man said "son, use gorilla glue to make sure the wood never ever leaves the door frame again." i bought me some glue, waited more than a week for someone to come to their senses and call in the Bob Vila House Fixer-Upper Squad, and, since nobody thought that was a good idea, i decided to cap off my incredibly fruitful sunday with hanging a door.
long story short: i applied liberal amounts of glue to the wood, put the wood to the frame, pounded it in, waited for it to dry ...
and then realized i put the wood up crooked.
rule number 1 in home improvement: do not glue your mistakes to the frame of the house.
see, mr. CLBM, we just got our directv with dvr -- which is just tivo -- activated yesterday. and it's pretty; it's shiny and silver and looks very, shall we say, powerbook-ish behind the glass in our entertainment console.
the only problem: it seems to fucking record random programs. programs i did not ask it to record, and unless frijolita mixed a few spoonfuls of Cremora brand Creamer with Crack in my morning coffee, programs i would never in a million years record.
such as cooley high. and some eric stoltz movie that i've never heard of before. why, mr. CLBM, would i love some sort of ipod shuffle action with all one billion channels you offer me.
some days, it's as if technology is giving me the finger.
***
other days, though, it's the entire home improvement industry that flips me off.
take, for example, what happened at the homestead while f and i were galavanting across western europe. we had a little flood in our back yard, as lake eponymous decided that it couldn't deal with a five-inch deluge one sunday night. water came up to our back porch, about 200 feet away from its banks.
there also was a lightning strike at or near our house, as it blew up the outlets in our basement and garage, killed all devices plugged into phone lines (and damaged one of our two lines itself), totally fried my cable modem and wireless router, blew up our sprinkler system and the electric eyes on the garage door, and ruined my old powerbook G3, which was plugged directly into the wall.
well.
the sane part of my brain said "get several highly-paid experts in here to fix all this," while the insane part said "dood -- you can totally fix all this shit." i think f was listening to the insane part, because each time the sane part decided to speak its mind out loud, she had this "who farted?" look on her face that told me her true thoughts about her husband's piss-poor home improvement skills.
long story short, we got an electrician neighbor to fix the basement outlets, and he's still poking around the garage to find out what's wrong out there ... we canned the tivo and got directv ... we upgraded the router and modem, but decided to get DSL about a week later ... and i fixed the electric eyes on the garage door.
that was a major triumph. that day, i put up shelves in f's office, then fixed the electric eye, then mowed the grass around the house where the flood had deposited all our expensive mulch, and decided that, because i was on a roll, i would tackle the largest project to date:
putting our storm door back on the front of the house.
see, it had blown off a few times, because when my father in law and i put it up, we were high on that Cremora Crack stuff and did a horrible job -- so horrible, in fact, that we decided that one of the most important parts of the door (the plunger thingee that makes it automatically close) would cause us to totally deplete what little home improvement skills we had left.
well, of course, the wind blew the door totally open so many times that it pulled the wood jamb completely off the door frame and, voila, one day i come home and the f tells me the freaking door fell off.
i let it sit for a few weeks, contemplating what to do. the sane part of my brain said "call a qualified professional TODAY" but the insane part, in cahoots with my lovely wife, made me feel like a (insert word for female genitalia) for not being able to hang up a simple little door.
***
so i decided to do it. i went to the local ACE hardware and the friendly hardware man said "son, use gorilla glue to make sure the wood never ever leaves the door frame again." i bought me some glue, waited more than a week for someone to come to their senses and call in the Bob Vila House Fixer-Upper Squad, and, since nobody thought that was a good idea, i decided to cap off my incredibly fruitful sunday with hanging a door.
long story short: i applied liberal amounts of glue to the wood, put the wood to the frame, pounded it in, waited for it to dry ...
and then realized i put the wood up crooked.
rule number 1 in home improvement: do not glue your mistakes to the frame of the house.
9.23.2005
funniest joke i heard all week
thanks to mr. duffy ...
When Mr. Wonderful, Lil' Tommy Brady died, he got to heaven and God was showing him around.
They came to a modest little house with a faded Patriots flag in the window. "This house is yours for eternity, Lil' Tommy," said God. "This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here." Lil' Tommy felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house.
On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a 3-story mansion with a Black and Gold sidewalk, a 50 foot tall flagpole with an enormous Steeler logo flag, and in every window, a Terrible towel.
Mr Wonderful, Lil' Tommy Brady looked at God and said "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I was an all-pro QB, I won 3 Super Bowls, and I even went to the Hall of Fame."
God said "So what's your point Lil Tommy?"
"Well, why does Ben Roethlisberger get a better house than me?"
God chuckled, and said "Oh no Lil' Tommy, that's not Ben's house, it's mine."
When Mr. Wonderful, Lil' Tommy Brady died, he got to heaven and God was showing him around.
They came to a modest little house with a faded Patriots flag in the window. "This house is yours for eternity, Lil' Tommy," said God. "This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here." Lil' Tommy felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house.
On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a 3-story mansion with a Black and Gold sidewalk, a 50 foot tall flagpole with an enormous Steeler logo flag, and in every window, a Terrible towel.
Mr Wonderful, Lil' Tommy Brady looked at God and said "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I was an all-pro QB, I won 3 Super Bowls, and I even went to the Hall of Fame."
God said "So what's your point Lil Tommy?"
"Well, why does Ben Roethlisberger get a better house than me?"
God chuckled, and said "Oh no Lil' Tommy, that's not Ben's house, it's mine."
9.21.2005
take that, abe frohman
fark.com takes on the death of marshall field's ...
"Well, at least this story will get Chicagoans talking about something besides "that one time we won the super bowl."
9.16.2005
good news, and bad
first, the good:
great! this is the first time in my memory that the bush administration is proposing cutting spending to pay for something. this is encouraging. in fact, i'd love it if they could find $200 billion in the budget to pay for new orleans' reconstruction. that's how, you know, a normal family would do it.
but then, the bad:
and more bad:
i'm reading -- and laughing with -- the sports guy again. i feel like i just fell off the wagon.
President Bush on Friday ruled out raising taxes to pay for Gulf Coast reconstruction, saying other government spending must be cut. "You bet it will cost money, but I'm confident we can handle it," he said.
"It's going to cost whatever it's going to cost, and we're going to be wise about the money we spend," Bush said a day after laying out an expensive plan for rebuilding New Orleans and the Gulf Coast without spelling out how he would pay for it.
great! this is the first time in my memory that the bush administration is proposing cutting spending to pay for something. this is encouraging. in fact, i'd love it if they could find $200 billion in the budget to pay for new orleans' reconstruction. that's how, you know, a normal family would do it.
but then, the bad:
Bush also said he wants Congress to consider changing the law to allow the military to step in immediately if a catastrophic disaster occurs again. "It's important for us to learn from the storm what could have been done better," he said. Under fire, the White House has accused state and city officials of not authorizing federal involvement quickly enough, although critics say the administration didn't need approval to act.
and more bad:
(Couldn't agree more. I haven't been that disappointed with a new channel since the Yes Network launched and I found out it was an all-Yankee channel instead of an all-porn channel. Devastating day.)
i'm reading -- and laughing with -- the sports guy again. i feel like i just fell off the wagon.
9.13.2005
9.12.2005
Sept. 8
enough of the europe pictures. here's one of my lovely niece, hailey elizabeth, who has many fun presents from europe awaiting her for her first birthday. :)
9.08.2005
europe, days 4-9
so what explains the large gap in updates from last week to today?
jean-louis drove his citroen into our hotel and caused us to lose internet.
as the french say, "le kidding!"
since we last spoke, frijolita and i moved from paris to brussels to koln (cologne), and lost our free internet access. so i decided to wait a bit and do a huge update all at once. so ...
paris
f and i went to the eiffel tower -- in fact, we did the whole "we're just tourists in paris" thing that day, going from a museum to the eiffel to a seine river cruise.
the tower is ... well, i wasn't really excited about visiting it, though to avoid that while staying in paris would be like avoiding, say, the sears tower and the art institute while staying in chicago -- meaning, you should do it, but only once, to say that you did.
but having said that, i must say it was quite wonderful. overcast skies made me worry about getting drenched on top, but luckily the weather held out for us. and i had another mathematical breakthrough -- actually, f found an addition to my famous Odor Formula:
but the tower was fantastic, the views were sublime, and i really got the true sense of paris -- how large, how dense, and how old the city is.
we also visited the musee d'orsay, which houses some of the more impressive ... er ... impressionist works. we saw all the big posters-taped-to-dorm-room-walls paintings, and also discovered that, for the ancient greeks (and even 19th century parisians), statues were the equivalent of the internet. i mean, where else could have seen things like this?
or even this bit of bizarro pedophilic water sports porn?
this actually is taken in brussels -- it's the most famous statue in the city that i saw, called the manneken pis, and ... well, it's a boy peeing. and the locals have about 300 different costumes they use to dress him up. the day we saw him he was a soldier.
and why, pray tell, is the little tyke's bladder so full?
these are just a few of the 260+ beers on tap at the belgian beer festival, which was just incredible.
the grand platz contained a very neat, very crowded (at times) rectangle area where the breweries set up shop. the prices couldn't be beat -- three tickets (in the form of specially designed, unused bottle caps) cost €2, meaning that the best beer in the world, all on tap, cost about US 2.50 ... you cannot beat that. and we didn't try, believe me.
we made a day trip to brugge, which is this charming little tourist-infected city north of brussels. everything in it dates from, like, 1300 or something, and believe it or not, it was very, very charming. we rented bikes at the train station and terrorized the city with our american-rules bike riding, and went from quaint little lace shop to ancient cobblestone street with nary a smashup. brugge at one time was, as the french might say, le king shit city of europe.
this, taken on a street that lines one of the many canals in brugge, might be the best picture taken on the trip. frijolita really did a great job on this one ...
finally, we leave this segment at the cologne cathedral, the first edifice i've seen in europe that has left me speechless when first seeing it. so speechless, in fact -- and because it's after midnight here -- i'm going to leave you with the image. for now.
as always, the europe pictures can be found here.
au revoir, vaarwel und Auf Wiedersehen.
jean-louis drove his citroen into our hotel and caused us to lose internet.
as the french say, "le kidding!"
since we last spoke, frijolita and i moved from paris to brussels to koln (cologne), and lost our free internet access. so i decided to wait a bit and do a huge update all at once. so ...
paris
f and i went to the eiffel tower -- in fact, we did the whole "we're just tourists in paris" thing that day, going from a museum to the eiffel to a seine river cruise.
the tower is ... well, i wasn't really excited about visiting it, though to avoid that while staying in paris would be like avoiding, say, the sears tower and the art institute while staying in chicago -- meaning, you should do it, but only once, to say that you did.
but having said that, i must say it was quite wonderful. overcast skies made me worry about getting drenched on top, but luckily the weather held out for us. and i had another mathematical breakthrough -- actually, f found an addition to my famous Odor Formula:
lim ([me + f in elevator to top of eiffel tower] + smelly frenchmen) = anger
but the tower was fantastic, the views were sublime, and i really got the true sense of paris -- how large, how dense, and how old the city is.
we also visited the musee d'orsay, which houses some of the more impressive ... er ... impressionist works. we saw all the big posters-taped-to-dorm-room-walls paintings, and also discovered that, for the ancient greeks (and even 19th century parisians), statues were the equivalent of the internet. i mean, where else could have seen things like this?
or even this bit of bizarro pedophilic water sports porn?
this actually is taken in brussels -- it's the most famous statue in the city that i saw, called the manneken pis, and ... well, it's a boy peeing. and the locals have about 300 different costumes they use to dress him up. the day we saw him he was a soldier.
and why, pray tell, is the little tyke's bladder so full?
these are just a few of the 260+ beers on tap at the belgian beer festival, which was just incredible.
the grand platz contained a very neat, very crowded (at times) rectangle area where the breweries set up shop. the prices couldn't be beat -- three tickets (in the form of specially designed, unused bottle caps) cost €2, meaning that the best beer in the world, all on tap, cost about US 2.50 ... you cannot beat that. and we didn't try, believe me.
we made a day trip to brugge, which is this charming little tourist-infected city north of brussels. everything in it dates from, like, 1300 or something, and believe it or not, it was very, very charming. we rented bikes at the train station and terrorized the city with our american-rules bike riding, and went from quaint little lace shop to ancient cobblestone street with nary a smashup. brugge at one time was, as the french might say, le king shit city of europe.
this, taken on a street that lines one of the many canals in brugge, might be the best picture taken on the trip. frijolita really did a great job on this one ...
finally, we leave this segment at the cologne cathedral, the first edifice i've seen in europe that has left me speechless when first seeing it. so speechless, in fact -- and because it's after midnight here -- i'm going to leave you with the image. for now.
as always, the europe pictures can be found here.
au revoir, vaarwel und Auf Wiedersehen.
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